It's interesting
02/09/2005 06:30 p.m.
It's interesting how the day I finally found an internship, The Anchorage Press finally called me. I talked to the editor and I think I'm going to try and work there in a few months. He told me to remind him of the conversation we had because he won't remember. Alaskans work on their own clock. It took him almost 3 weeks to get back to me.

My older sister has pink-eye. How does a 25 year old woman get pink-eye? And she's a nurse so she couldn't go to work. Can you imagine having a nurse with pink-eye? I wouldn't really appreciate it.

It's amazing how much less stressed out I am now that I have some work.

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Wohoo!
02/09/2005 12:39 a.m.
I found an internship! I'm officially an intern! This means I am a slave to the man, but at least it's one stress off my back. Now I just have to get a loan and it'll be golden! My ulcer can finally start to heal.

Now if I could just get some sort of message from Shane like "Hi, I'm alive, everything's fine and I miss you." That's all I'm asking for. Oh thank God, it stopped snowing. It hasn't snowed in like 7 weeks or something, and then it finally dumped today. People in Anchorage drive one of two ways in the snow: Either ridiculously slow or insanely fast and out of control. Why can't we all just go a safe, yet normal speed? This means that driving 25 mph in a 50 zone is TOO SLOW. At least I got home before traffic anyway. Wohoo! I have an unpaid job!

I am currently fabtabular

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Bad dreams
02/07/2005 05:19 p.m.
I keep having all these weird dreams featuring people I haven't seen in a while. A few nights ago, I had a dream that my host family came to visit me in Alaska and my host mom could suddenly speak fluent English (she didn't speak any English when I was there.) And last night I had a dream Hoopes, a guy I used to work with, was serving my sister, me, and this girl I haven't seen since high school drinks on a beach. it's bizarre.

I can't believe how hard it is to not have Shane around. before he left, i thought it would be ok because i would have to study so much all the time, but I just fucking miss him so much. he can't even e-mail me or anything because he's in the jungle, so I don't even know how he's doing. I am going to assume, hopefully, that no news is good news. I just wish I could talk to him. Sigh. And he won't be back until March 21. That's still so long from now. I need a distraction. A fun distraction because obviously my super-boring classes aren't cutting it. Frigging Shakespeare, I can barely grasp what the hell is going on in there. it took me almost 3 hours just to read the first 3 acts of Richard II. Too many renaissance metaphors and allusions. All I know is Richard bad, Henry Bolingbrook good. I think anyway. We'll find out when I fail this quiz too.

Ok, deep breath. Last hard semester. Gotta keep reminding myself.

I am currently shitty

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The real question
02/04/2005 07:04 a.m.
The real question is this: Is it all really worth it?

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I have rage
02/03/2005 10:09 p.m.
I have rage that needs to be appropriately directed. I have raod rage, I have rage towards the knoew-it-all non-traditional students in my classes, I have rage towards the university, I have rage towards myself for making stupid mistakes. It sucks. I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like throwing things. It may have something to do with the fact that I haven't heard from Shane in almost two weeks and despite his reassurance to not worry, I do. All the time. It's like when I'm really bummed out about something and the only advice someone gives me is "don't be sad." Ohhhhh, ok. Problem solved. You told me not to be sad and poof, I'm cured. Maybe my seasonal affective disorder is kicking in, it happened last year. Maybe I should just drink more, because everybody knows that alcoholics are so happy. I'm really not much of a drinker though, it always makes me feel like shit.

Maybe I just need a vacation, which I am going to get this summer, thank god. But before that, I get to do a whole bunch of sucky crap like reading boring shit non-stop and writing incredibly difficult long papers. Wohoo! I'm off to go wallow and ruin someone else's day. Ta

I am currently bitter and spiteful, not a good combination

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Kibaszot iskola
01/31/2005 10:51 p.m.
School is hard. Papers are hard. I'm tired of things being hard. My boyfriend's not here, and it's hard. My friends are not here and it's hard

The dude next to me in the computer lab is a loud/heavy breather and it's ANNOYING! First he had to drink his coffee (which you're not supposed to have in here) by grunting and smacking his lips every time he had some. Not to mention the idiot on the other side who keeps clicking his tongue. God, I'm so bitchy

Out of boredom where I am housesitting, I started reading the "Left Behind" series which I found lying around. I honestly don't know what to think of it. Essentially, all non-Christians are bad? I do find the stories interesting though, so I'll probably keep reading. But the overwhelming theme in the books is that Christians should yak their heads off all the time to non-Christians in order to make them Christian. I don't necessarily think that's good. I believe in god, but not in a traditional Christian way, more like God is an energy force that connects all of us and is in all living things. I also believe in evolution and am pretty against organized religion, probably frowned upon by the majority of Christians.

I did like the idea of the anti-christ as some huge political leader. Maybe Bush is the actual anti-Christ. That would be a blow to all the right-wing Christians that voted for him. God, I shouldn't have even mentioned him here, now I just want to rant on him. He thinks that the election just justified all the idiotic fucked up stuff he did last term. Seriously, he realyl thinks that. Doesn't he realize how close the election was? Doesn't he see that 50% of America (who voted at least) is against him? Maybe the math is just a little too advanced for him, but 50% is half of the voting population. Thinking about his evil little face makes me want to hurl.

At least he can never run again.

I am currently inspired to change the world
I am listening to heavy breathing, etc

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Ok, ok
01/28/2005 01:45 a.m.
Ok, so I stopped freaking out (yes, I cried a little in the Campus Center bathroom, it was pathetic) and I have turned this into something positive: I now don't have to go to school this summer. Since I have to go Spring Semester anyway (fucking History of Rhetoric) I can do all the work I was planning to do this summer in the Spring. And I can go camping and go to Talkeetna Bluegrass festival and party, it'll be righteous.

Focus on the positive.

I am currently Better

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(Expletive deleted)
01/27/2005 11:26 p.m.
FUCK! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I'm not going to graduate when I thought because fucking history of rhetoric is only offerend in Spring and I didn't know that. I'm off to go cry now

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Still pulling my hair out
01/25/2005 11:05 p.m.
I heard from Shane, everything's fine. For everyone keeping tabs anyway. I still, however, do not have an internship and it's really starting to stress me out. It's be really nice if someone would respond when I applied at idfferent places. Bitch bitch bitch. Have to go finish reading the merry Wives of Windsor

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Irrational worry (again)
01/24/2005 05:13 a.m.
Shane left. he hasn't called yet, I'm starting to get a little worried. I hope he calls by tomorrow or I'm going to have nightmares about him being in Guatamalan prison or something. I need a distraction.

I am currently on the verge of panic

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