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The Journal of Madeline Pestolesi

Bleh
12/23/2003 09:35 p.m.
Last night I did Kareoke (which I will never be able to spell) with Adri and Lacy, it was awesome. Since it was a monday night, there were only three of us in the bar and I'm sure the DJ just loved us. I sang lots of bad songs where I didn't know what I was doing at all. Such as "Work it", You Oughta Know, Keep Fishin, Bohemian Rhapsody, Gossip Folks, Heart of Glass, etc. After a while, I was just picking songs I knew I wouldn't be able to do but it didn't matter, so it was really fun. Wow, this is a boring journal entry. I'm going out to my parents' house for Christmas today, I hope it's fun, though I somehow doubt it. At least there is homemade ravioli involved. I still don't know what I want to do for New Years. My friends want me to go on a raod trip to Chena Hotsprings, but I don't know. I think I want to hang out with the guys from high school I hung out with a few days ago. It was weird because I usually avoid people from high school, but everyone was much much cooler than I remembered and it was really fun to see them all again. Plus Mike went on exchange too so it was interesting to talk to him about it. Anyway, things to do.
I am currently Bored
I am listening to Fingertips-they might be giants

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I'm the mom
12/19/2003 05:18 a.m.
I don't really know what's wrong with me lately. I've just been feeling out of place with my friends, like I have become a 40 year old woman in the midst of people who want to stay up until 4am and get 2 hours of sleep before work. I want to vacuum and clean the kitchen before I go out and have fun. I also have been problems with myself. I second guess every fucking emotion I have. This is a typical argument with myself "I'm annoyed, but maybe I don't have a right to be annoyed in this situation." Then I am unsure of whether or not I have the right to be annoyed and I end up ignoring the problem. By ignoring, I mean I think about it a lot but I don't say anything and the resentment builds inside of me. Sometimes the problem is simply that I have always told myself "I will not be that person" but I see myself becoming that person, whoever THAT person is. I don't even know anymore and I just feel like I am going to continue to push people away by harboring resentment for things that they didn't even knew bothered me. It's because sometimes I feel that the things that bother me are ridiculous and that no one will care that I'm bothered by them because they are stupid issues, but I think that's where it all comes together. I am going to start a list of new years resolutions and add a little when I think of other things. Oh, yeah, like it will actually hold up. I just wish I didn't second guess my descisions so much and that I didn't predict everything going to shit so I could see things more positively. I have no idea why I think the way I do, or why I am so afraid to confrot things that could be so easily taken care of. Fuck. I need to start changing.
I am currently Bothered

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Meh
12/18/2003 07:38 a.m.
I saw Adri today, she is still alive. It's good to know. I am battling a fever and sore throat and watching Seinfeld.

I have a headache
I am currently Bored

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I have learned
12/14/2003 05:33 a.m.
lots of things.

I got an e-mail from my linguistics teacher, he said I did "EXTREMELY well on my final" and that I "will be pleased with my grade." I have been qiuetly gloating about this all day.
I am currently Blessed
I am listening to TV background

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Update
12/13/2003 08:50 p.m.
Well, I think I kicked ass on my Linguistics final. It was awesome! I think. I'll get it back and then we'll see. We had people over last night, it got a little outta control but whatever. Anyway, I don't have much to say
I am currently Affectionate

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Let's get ready to rumble
12/10/2003 09:32 p.m.
Ok, so I found a new test preperation tactic. You know how football players scream and jump around to get ready for games? Well, it relieves the tension before a test. I don't know that Shane appreciates it when I do it in the car 18 inches from his head though. AHHHHH, creepy computer lab guy is giving me the evil eye. 25 minutes and counting to the end of school. Wohoo! I'd better go, I think I need to scream again

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Linguistics will be my final undoing
12/09/2003 01:40 a.m.
The subject sums it up. I swear, this class is a freaking roller coaster. Sometimes I feel like I'm so good at it, I'm nailing all the diagramms and I rock, and then other times I am so completely off I don't know what happened. I'm kinda worried about next semester. I have lots of classes which probably won't be very fun, and English 475, which is the same Linguistics teacher I have now only harder. Bleh. I hope I can handle it. I really like the teacher I have now, but there were some weeks that I have to devote about 6 hours to homework that I don't get credit for. I never get to see my friends anymore, I feel like we are all holed up in our pajamas getting pimples and studying. This may be hard, but I would much rather do this than be in high school, a miserable hell hole. On firday night, there were all these idiotic high school kids in the campus center. They were so obnoxious, and it really made me look at how I used to be. "I'm 18! I'm awesome! I know everything." Yeah, that's a load of crap. It's funny how much I've changed in the last 4 years. It's funny how much I've changed in the last 6 months. I almost wish tomorrow was wednesday, or at least that I had my final tomorrow so I could just get it over with and celebrate with a nice beer or four. I think this is one of the hardest semester's I've ever had. Working 25 hours per week until 11pm and 2 3 hours classes in Eagle River, and it decided to snow this winter, what's that all about? Wow, I just re-read this entry and it jumps around a lot. Oh well. Anyway, that's it for now.

Stressed is not a mood option. It should definitely be a mood option. Because I'm freaking stressed. And my back hurts from the weight of my 60 pound breasts.

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Brunch fiesta
12/08/2003 01:22 a.m.

I went out for brunch at Harry's today, it was excellent.  I ate so much, and that's saying a lot for me.  Anyway, I don't really have much to say.  Just one final left in Linguistics and then I can sleep and do whatever.  I get 10 days off from work during Christmas break!  I'm so excited!

That's all


I am currently Content
I am listening to Very loud fans

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Wasted day
12/05/2003 08:14 a.m.

Today all I did was go grocery shopping and lay around.  I know it seems lazy (sloth is one of the seven deadly sins, I know) but it was so nice what with all the finals stress and so on. 

 



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Finals
12/03/2003 11:12 p.m.

So I have a final tonight.  Guess what?  Don't care.  Cs are passing.  Really don't care at all, la la la, just want to watch bad tv.

Ok, so I do care, but I can't learn anymore.  I plan on using my Christmas Break by not learning at all and maybe trying to become dumber.

The only final I care about is in Linguistics, and it's not until next wednesday.  I think I'll do ok, but I need to learn more.  I think my brain is quivering and slumped at the back of my skull.  I would draw a picture of that if I could.

 

The mood option "Whatever" is not offered.  That is my mood.

Whatever



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