where do i go from here?
02/10/2005 04:37 p.m.
"I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong"

as cheesy as it may seem, dance has always been a home for me, an escape, a place of security and freedom. even your most cherished thing can be ripped from your grasp in a matter of moments. the truth is i don't know if i'll ever be able to dance again and that thought scares me. i am injured in my right foot/ankle and from what the doctor has said, it was only a matter of time before my left foot would be injured. my walking would then be impaired.

dancing has been my home, when everything else around me was crumbling and now i have been forced out of that. there is a death within me. its true that God does not want you to find security in anything but Him, and its a hard lesson to learn. i literally feel stranded. i don't know what to do. i just want to hear God's voice directing me- "where you go, i will follow, Lord, but where are you leading me?" its a very unsettling feeling.

prayers are appreciated. blessings to you !
I am currently Empty
I am listening to the sound of nothing

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The Dark Night of the Soul
11/09/2004 05:49 a.m.
St. John: "the soul perceives itself to be so unclean and miserable that it seems as if God had set Himself against it."

Paul Levy: "During this dark night, we, as an ego, experience our utter impotence and powerlessness. We seem to be caught in an infinite double-bind, and might be afraid that we are going crazy. At times it even feels like we have fallen into the depths of hell."

St. John: "the soul can do so little at this state; like a prisoner in a gloomy dungeon, bound hand and foot, it can not stir, neither can it see or feel any relief, either from above or below..."

Jung: "when the soul embraces and accepts suffering, the pain reveals itself as the birth pangs of a new inner being"


multiple religions expressing the exact same season of life that only one who has experienced it can fully understand it...
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Blu Cantrell

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I have ANOTHER NIECE!!
08/24/2004 01:28 a.m.
Lily Elisabeth was born this morning at 5:59am. My sister labored for 26 hours and finally Lily decided to arrive! She is beautiful and I will post a picture soon!
I am currently Exhausted
I am listening to tv sitcoms in the background

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BABY!!!!!!!!!!
07/23/2004 02:25 p.m.
Well, my brother and his wife have a newborn baby. She was born at 6:15am this morning (July 23)- on her due date (she's a punctual little thing). She weighed in at 9lb.2ou. and was 21 inches long. Her name is Grace Anne... how beautiful, eh? Well, this is the first of the kids to be born on my side of the family, so I'm an Aunt! and I couldn't be more excited! Just HAD to share this news with EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

I could not be there with them, but I got the call this morning from my mom about Grace's birth. I can't wait to meet her!

The miracle of life is so amazing! We are blessed to have this little bundle of joy with us :) Please keep Grace-mom-and-dad in your prayers as they begin this new journey as a family!

Thanks
I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to absolutely nothing!

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Do you wonder?
07/14/2004 04:45 a.m.

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you actually spoke your thoughts?

How many people would view you differently? and how many would judge you?

Do you ever argue with yourself- one side being honest and the other spouting out every typical answer that you'd expect to hear from someone else?

Do you ever just want to crawl into a hole and let life pass you by?

Do you ever realize that you haven't been honest with those around you, much less yourself?

Do you ever finally come to terms with what you want and find yourself ashamed to admit it?

Do you wonder how many people are feeling how you feel?

Do you ever wonder why God is so distant when you need him the most?

Do you ever stop and think what your life would be like if you hadn't said what you said, did what you did.. way back when life was simpler?

Do you wonder if life was ever truly simpler?

Do you ever wonder how many tears you've cried? and if anyone pays attention when you don't smile like you used to?

Do you wonder how you would truly answer the timeless question "how are you?"?

Do you wonder?

I am currently Alienated
I am listening to the hum of my ceiling fan

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