city lights
05/05/2005 12:03 a.m.

i told the kids down on the corner i'd try to get these pictures up:

does anyone know how to do this?

it little profits that an idle king
04/20/2005 03:57 p.m.

what does tennyson mean? what does this mean? where am i, and how many poems? will i read "ulysses"? find the palm at the end of the mind?

i don't know so i'm just saying things to clear out my mind inthe midst of tennyson's "ulysses." what i would like to read, though, what i'm saying, is joyce. but right now it's tennyson and his ulysses is indeed incredible, but so well-crafted i hold it up to the light and nothing shines through. this is murder. should not be made to do.

kushner at finney
04/15/2005 04:15 a.m.

tony kushner, tony kushner. excuse me whilst i add him to my creepy shelf of idolization. first of all, tony kushner is a genius. let me say it again: a genius. he takes it upon himself to know things. to read things and talk to people in a way most people i know do not. he is articulate and really knows how to think. furthermore, he is completely strange and upsetting. i was amazed by the depth of his discussion of the understanding and analysis of individuals and social trends - and at the same time taken completely taken aback by his insistence on generalizations and labels. compartmentalization is a way of life, indeed. and i know he knows that all republicans are not evil. he said as much. but he insisted on referring to republicans as a "them" with a common goal and shared characteristics in a way that made me uncomfortable. i realized then that he recognizes that he does it but verbalization of those ideas is his way of coping with pain and fear. and that we all do that - but it's when we do it to someone that we become like the people that kushner fears. i loved that he talked about the purpose of art, was able to make it all circular [something i sometimes do not find problematic,] and connected politics and art but separated their true impact and cultural investment.

and we talked about wallace stevens. he used to make his playwriting students read "comedian as the letter c" and "the idea of order at key west" in class, a fact which i found amazing and heart-tugging. he is invested, extremely, in the idea of education of the whole mind, regardless of specificity and explicit motivation.

and then there's the fact that he told clayton koppes, the idiot provost, that he was wrong, and made the man look like a completely disinterested and parroting philistine. congratulations, tony kushner. i'm off to cradle my newly-signed copy of angels in america until i fall asleep to dream of wonderfully paternal gay men.

when i was a girl
03/12/2005 06:28 a.m.
the kind of night where you're so fragile you go to bed in an abbreviated version of what you had on.
I am currently Detached
I am listening to iris dement

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this is ridiculous.
03/10/2005 04:37 p.m.

and yet, right on. weird.

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

http://www.quizdiva.net/bt/dandy.jpg"> You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations. Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories. It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you. You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

"cutie"
03/10/2005 04:13 p.m.

next time someone addresses me as "cutie" i'm going to graft his eyelids onto his testicles.

'so is yr sex life'
03/07/2005 05:31 a.m.

that's what ryan said to me when i said something about something being a figment of his imagination. thus ensued an interesting half-joke about him masturbating while thinking of me. it's part of a string of interesting things that have come up with that one, including the effect of clean sheets on rates of masturbation. all this from my too-tame quasi-partner. yes? strange. positive, i think. he's getting strange, like me. i've already turned him somewhat more queer than he would have thought. that deserves a pat on the back, itself.

the tim miller piece, "us," was fantastic. fucking so. about being a person without all the rights of "a citizen" in this country. he's incredible. check him out, if you get a chance. you can google him, his webpage will come up.

the music is too loud. i'm going to turn it down and read the world according to garp for the 5th time, at least. tom waits is an amazing figure.

sex is so intriguing.

reimagination: my favorite word.
03/06/2005 05:14 p.m.

unconsciously reimagining myself as a poet. evidenced by the razing to the foundations of my library. all of everything that used to be in all those folders is now in "archives: the latter." this feels good.

i hope my brain will stay on board and not jump off running. that's been my major problem. my brain wants to go faster than my body. someone show me how to hold on to my mind without reining it in. really. i'm asking.

science
03/04/2005 07:37 a.m.
how much love the human body can bear; that's an important and intriguing study which is yet to be done.
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to myself on guitar and neil young impersonation

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rimbaud
03/04/2005 03:01 a.m.

what is there to say about everything that ever was? ask john milton, who made me nearly lose my shit in front of someone i idolize [in a sense that adheres fairly closely to the literal meaning of the word] and about seven other people i completely disregard. ask rimbaud, who is the milton of my misguided spiritual brothers and siblings.

ask me: i am sick to death of being a woman in a man's world. i love womanhood and that inmyself, but i covet all those things i can never have as myself. the ability to really cross lines of gender; the ability to embody power, sexual energy, life, rage, anything, as a person rather than through the perverting context of femininity, percieved or real. it is a lens through which society will always percieve me. if i am sexual, it is interpreted as sexuality of a certain class - that is, to some degree, something geared toward a man, toward getting something from someone. never joy in my sexual being. if i am powerful, it is in the context of being out of my proper place. i am raging. is there a man who understands this? i want to know him. i want to display the maleness and femaleness in me, without being a woman who imitates a man, without being butch or a tomboy or any other thing that a woman must be if she displays certain characteristics. i want personhood that is indescribable and indefinable. i am close to begging; but there is no one to beg but the world at large. and when has the world at large ever listened to these misguided children?

yes.

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