freshman year
09/08/2003 03:43 a.m.
I can see myself in all of their faces. Worried I'll turn out lost like them, just some show for others to laugh at and avoid ever turning out like. I miss wanting to be better and having time to do it. Now i don't have time, but so much room to get better. I'm fatigued and this probably doesn't make any sense.

And I'm worried about Jon. I think I've been so worried about someone liking me or not, that I haven't even thought about whether or not I like him. oh well, I think sleep would solve this dilemma. Until tomorrow... when I wake up.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to sister, sister

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8/7 a Thursday, 9:33 pm
08/08/2003 02:06 a.m.
So school starts again tomorrow. Life has once again summed its swiftness up into one day. This is the last weekend that I'll see Sean for a while. The test of our friendship begins Sunday after he is gone. I suppose I'm not worried of the outcome. 'What will be, will be' Songs speak truth because they're poetry with a little make-up on. True poetry is before the make-up, early in the morning- prematurely woken. That's what I long to be. Not simply that girl with the song, but the girl living the poem.
I am currently Detached
I am listening to Third Day- Love Song

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do you feel abandoned?
07/30/2003 01:43 a.m.
because I feel neglectful. I've been away. A sort of sabatical from poetry and, consequently, my soul. I've been following people around, not as myself, but as a shadow. I'm still searching. Once trying to convince everyone that I knew what I had found, all I have found are more questions. Things I know for sure still haven't convinced me that they're true. I've made new friends. I've found you fall in love with people because you respect them for who they are. And not in that superficial boy-girl love way, but in the general sense of loving. The larger sense of like for another human being. Garrison- just for being so funny, nice, and completely rude all at the same time. Cameron- for wearing makeup and laying in a tanning bed, and yet managing to be the straightest, most masculine, sweetest, most wonderful person that I thought I would never meet. Josh- for managing to be so thoughtful and sincere. Carlie- for being a girl around all those boys, you gave me hope. Lori and HollyBee- kindred souls. You make me feel comfortable. I just feel like my life has multiplied in the past eight months and I would have burst if I didn't get it out somehow.
I am currently Content
I am listening to Aslyn- that's when I love you

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it's two
03/30/2003 07:29 a.m.
and I can't sleep. I was lying down. I was getting sleepy. Then I realized how out of shape my abs are. So I played some music and did fifty sit ups. And here I am- my ab plan completely discarded and still I am awake. It's probably unhealthy anyway, to exercise at two in the morning. Normal people are asleep and I'm too scared to talk to the rest of them. I might be able to relate.
I am currently Bored
I am listening to what its like-everlast

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His name's finley
03/24/2003 04:11 a.m.
He's "almost twenty." And so cute. He's incredibly sweet, funny, just plain carefree. He works with me. Here's an example of how much fun he is-- I worked 11 and a half hours straight today on my feet without a break and I had the choice of leaving early or staying until 10:30 and closing. He was closing, so I stayed. He's just so much fun to talk to and he's interesting. It's almost like it's not work when he's there. And he has this amazing smile, and a wonderful sense of humor. He's so great. Sixteen years old dating a nineteen year old isn't too young, is it? ;)
I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to The Superhero Song- Stephen Lynch

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channels
03/19/2003 01:09 a.m.
I think life comes in channels. It's like improvisation and you're sitting on the screen with nothing to say, so (whoever's got the remote) changes it. Then you sit there, bored while they're watching someone else and you think of it. Something brilliant, something funny. Then the spotlights on you. You forget. Life is a cycle. If this were on paper I'd crumple it and throw it at my trash. And probably miss.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers- The Zephyr Song

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here we are
11/30/2002 03:52 p.m.
it's been a while. much has changed. I'm ready for it to stay the same now. it's a nice feeling.

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Journal Entry
09/06/2002 09:51 p.m.
maybe i shouldnt have said anything, but im not going to fret. i dont have to be ready until 930 tonight and that excites me. ill be out late tonight- that hasnt happened in a while. plus im babysitting tomorrow for money that im going to save to go to thespian conference. (im sooo excited about that)-- plus im auditioning for the opening show.. which means i must go practice bye!
I am currently Affectionate

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a second coat of paint
09/02/2002 08:32 p.m.
randalls party was surprisingly better than i thought it would be. now i feel bad for thinking it would be so boring. it wasnt, to be honest i didnt want to leave. but we did. we wanted to see christine before she left for college again and get her number. i didnt realize how much id missed her until i saw her last night. sean and anna were touchy. i almost started crying, then i got angry. i wanted to hit him. we had a water fight and the whole time i wanted to drown him. awful sounding, isnt it? he probably liked that she was wearing his shirt. he seemed to like his gift. i made him listen to number one while i was there-hes such a loser. but i called randall today to say happy birthday, nobody answered so i left a message. then i called sean. we talked for about five minutes but he had to go to spend time with his mom. i really want to get him a dog- he really wants one. but i kind of like his mom not hating me. i hope he wants to do something tonight- hes different when annas not around. just call me naive, but id like to have fun while i can and if it takes her not being around, thats fine with me. hes such a jerk-but theres something about him. he was supposed to call half an hour ago. but donnas on the phone. just my luck.
I am currently Fine

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things are weird lately
09/01/2002 10:47 p.m.
things ARE weird lately. i'm sitting here on a sunday evening, waiting for my friend to come and pick me up. i'm going to randall and maybe later, sean's birthday party. i'm excited to see him- i havent seen him in almost a week. it's weird not seeing him.
my sister just called-she's short on money and may not be able to enroll in the school she's been planning on going to. i feel introvertive. i'm not sad, though my personage may seem like thats so. it's not. just thoughtful. pensive. and every other word that describes what i am right now- whatever they may be.
i'm hungry but dinner's not ready so i may not eat. she'll be here at seven and its six forty one. im impatiently waiting. i can't wait to get out of this house. oh wait, im spending the night there.. i need to get my stuff together. bye.
I am currently Weird
I am listening to my dad's cutting grass?

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