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The Journal of Bethany Lee

Soul Notes is in print!
05/05/2005 02:23 p.m.
My first poetry collection, Soul Notes, is finally in print!

You can find it at www.lulu.com/bethanylee

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fireside...
05/07/2004 11:26 a.m.
The tales you type with your fingertips inspire me to new heights.

I have been perplexed as of late, wondering when I reached my current plateau and how long I have been walking here. I have stories inside of me that have yet to be woven into a tapestry of words. It seems that I'm waiting for the right parchment to be placed on my table, or the perfect language to express the unexpressable...but after dreaming and waiting, i think it is time to learn to write on my forearms and inner thighs. Speak my words out loud so my baby~tummy can catch a glimpse of the wind that fills my sails.

I am a poet of simple complexities and, at times, contradictions. I want to smooth out my wrinkles in the silken stanzas, helping the simplicity shine through, so that even the passerby may understand for a moment the light that beams through my eyes.

The fireside was luminary and warm. Thank you kindly.


I am currently Blessed

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heart splitting....
02/22/2004 02:42 p.m.


my heart began to split, like the earth during an earthquake. he lent me his heart for a while, as i mended mine. but still, the lava flows.

my best friend is moving to a different planet. i thought being pregnant would lose me my friends, but i guess i can't blame this on that. but she's still leaving.


I am currently Gloomy
I am listening to the Postal Service

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january wind
01/24/2004 12:08 a.m.
there is something in the crisp air of January...from the 1st to the 7th, the significance in the wind that intoxicates my revolving memory, gets creative juices flowing as my blood begins to freeze. The second and third weeks of January have me sprawling poetry on napkins, and whispering of spells under my breath that solidify as my warmth is vaporized in front of me and softly sails away...(nothing stays forever...always travelling...) and soon the fourth week will come, and the new moon will hang silent in the sky, waiting for my next move...

checkmate...
I am currently Peaceful
I am listening to Nina Simone

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positive...
12/21/2003 04:50 p.m.
well...the big news will be broken soon...

i found out yesterday that i am indeed pregnant.

jeremy and i are hapy about it. we made the decision that i stop taking my birthcontrol a few months ago, and WHAMO! i am with child...

it feels weird, i must admit. and it hasn't quite sunken in for either of us yet.

but, at least i have a new subject to write about from experience.

i can always use new poetry. :)

we will be telling our families on Christmas Day. I'm happy about that. and the timing is all well and good.
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to the hum of the computer

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memory...
07/20/2003 11:28 p.m.
i no longer have the heart to think about the Yesterdays. but historic words came to me in their haunting ways...and still from faraway, a smile as bright as a newly risen day spreads upon my face at the thought of knowing You.

fly free,

I am currently Poetic
I am listening to my heartbeat

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baby steps
05/04/2003 09:11 p.m.
one must take steps in the physical plane to make dreams come true...for a daydreamer, exerting effort seems ludicrous, but i fear i must comply...in order to have the career i want, and to publish my words...both being what i believe to be my soul work here...but i find my motivation lacking...i must live what i've been writing (thanks, rumi)...

one step down
countless more to go...
I am currently Lazy
I am listening to the spring song of birds outside my window...

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an old friend...
02/06/2003 12:42 a.m.
can i make your peackock tail

stretch its fingers towards the sky

in a colourful display of

your sacred, earthly pride?


I am currently Blessed
I am listening to Zeppelin...flowers in her hair...mmm...

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question...
12/06/2002 02:42 p.m.
do you choose the muse,

or does the muse choose you?



(that is the question.)

I am currently Content
I am listening to the printer go on and on with paper printing....

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::note to Self::
11/22/2002 05:27 p.m.
halloween brought this point to my mind...Christians (aka judgemental
funtamentalist puritans) seem to believe that the 'dead' are a forbidden
territory. When the 'dead' as a whole are recognized or even revelled in
for a moment, this just must be something to do with Satan. halloween is
a touchy subject fo me, never having been allowed to participate in the
dressing up and candy gathering. Simply because it is 'evil'.

I was sitting at my parent's dinner table (I've learned to just deal
with their beliefs and keep my mouth shut, to a degree, and just enjoy
the parts that i do love and understand) and my sister Kalin was talking
across the table to our sister Deona about how Halloween's original name
was "Evilween". For some reason, my parents were absent from the dinner
table, so i started asking Kay questions..."who told you halloween used
to be called evilween?"

Kay said "our sunday school teacher" (now, my younger siblings have an
advantage in that they started out in public school, where i started and
stayed in a private school for a period of time until highschool (my
blooming stages). but there is still church about 3 or 4 times a week in
my father's house. this is where my siblings are given their brainwashed
education...)

I told her that Halloween did not used to be called evilween. She argued
with me and said, "Yes it did!, they added on the "H" and stuff..." I
still told her it didn't make sense. But the adults in children's lives
(usually the ones who get there first) are the biggest
teachers/influence. I think the situation is just sad, though. But what
can a big sister do? any suggestions are welcome.

I just added the above tidbits of paragraphs because i was on the
subject of Halloween...so as i was starting to say in the beginning,
here we have a 'holiday' that Christians fear (i say fear because it is
obviously not love, and there's nothing else left but fear when love is
out of the picture). They proclaim it to be evil and satanistic. Just
like this Satan fantasy, it is just another end of the spectrum. Samhain
celebrated directly opposite of the moments of rebirth and rejuvenation
in the springtime aire. Christians (at least the ones i have had the
pleasure of meeting) seem to take no responsibility for the other end of
the spectrum, blaming it all on the evil character of Satan. darkness,
emptiness, sin. God= love, light, laughter. I don't think they choose
(obviously, they don't) to understand that both sides of the spectrum
are one in the same. None better than the other, because they are each
part of the whole. It is my belief (and each to their own, dear
children...) that "God" is both Satan and Christ, but not the same as in
the ageold text. 'Evil' and 'good', one might say, but who is to say
what is evil and what is good? You could say that there are things that
hinder you from where you want to go, who you want to be, and these
might be recognized as 'evil' to our mind. But everything that is in
your path to your Self is there for a purpose. So, serving a purpose,
how is that deemed evil. Without those circumstances you may frown upon,
your ultimate goal might never take place. My favourite line of poetry
that i have ever written is as follows: "Those i have cursed, have
brought me blessings. Those i have misunderstood, have brought me
understanding..." The first line was a reflection on my 3 year
relationship with my ex. I stayed in the relationship to spite my
father, and it created some marvelous angst poetry. In the end, i left
my parents to go and be with him, finding out he was never who i had
written journals of poetry about. In the end, i cursed him for causing
my illusions. But, after reflection, it was i who caused them. And he
indeed brought me many blessings. A week after i broke it off with him,
i met my husband. So many little things that developed inside my Self,
all because i had spent those three years with my ex. Such a learning
experience. And the second line was written in reflection on how i
couldn't grasp my Father's concepts throughout my entire teenage life,
and i still cannot comprehend his thinking patterns sometimes. But it
urged me greatly to figure out my own thoughts. Seeing His young Soul
struggle sent me on my own soulsearch. So, in the end (or beginning) my
misunderstandings of my Father brought me nearer to the understandings
of my Self. and i am forever grateful. I used to curse my situation in
the pre-freedom years. But having had almost 4 years to ponder the
situation further, i see now it was all necesary for me to become who i
Am. And the caged bird singing brought out the poet in me. Perhaps if i
hadn't had the childhood situations i was raised in, i might not have
taken solace in my poetics. So, in the end, I am grateful for it all. So
i am going to stop this essay that was originally (travelled off a side
road at some point, i think) going to be bitching about Christians who
don't take their kids trick-o-treating on Halloween. And i will end with
saying that i can't wait to have a child to hold hands with walking on
the sidewalk, candybag in swinging, with my child's fantasy come alive
for one night in the clothes he/she wears. And the leaves will fall
gently, and we'll scurry to the next door step, hearing the crunch of
leaves, and feeling the autumn breeze...and i will have completed the
cycle...


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