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The Journal of Cathlyn Cartier

Honored and Humbled
03/28/2012 08:22 p.m.
I'm so very honored, and much more humbled, that one of my poems was chosen for poem of the day today, on my birthday! Unfortunately, the muse has still been fleeing from me, but I come by and check on y'all even if I have nothing creative to post.

Thanks to all of you!
I am currently Blessed

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Consideration
10/19/2011 11:17 p.m.
Lately this place has not been what it once was for me... well for quite a while it hasn't been what it once was. I haven't written much poetry in years; I still come in and check on my "friends" libraries and journals, post in my journal from time to time, comment in the forums, but that is about all.

I have previously considered making a back-up file of my library and then clearing out, after events of today I am once again making that consideration.

Someone deliberately posted offensive things in their journal directed towards me because they believed I was being politically sarcastic, and I had "offended" them by "invading" their "space" and commenting on a post in their journal. This is the internet, and while it is possible to mark your journal or library members only, I have been a member for at least a decade now, uninterrupted. I have visited many libraries and journals and left many comments. Therefore, I'm not sure how my comment on a journal entry could honestly be considered an "invasion" of someone's personal space.

It is amazing that one person makes assumptions about a comment, and rather than asking what I meant in a message, blasts me in a VERY political tirade, making assumptions about what my views and beliefs are, and thinks they are justified. Indeed, in my evaluation bringing himself to the same level as the ones he mentions in his tirade with such disgust and distaste.

I have dealt with a lot of verbal abuse both online and off from way too many people in the past months, and have thus far decided the solution is to remove these people from contact with myself. Since I have other venues in which I can keep in touch with the majority of my "friends" from here, and since I'm really not being the poetically creative person I once was, and as there are once again individuals who deem that they know my intentions and are justified in launching erroneous verbal attacks against me, then perhaps my association with this once very beloved site should cease.
I am currently Apathetic

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10.15.08
10/15/2008 08:39 p.m.
Today is just an eck kind of day.

My oldest son didn't want to get up this morning... I woke him up at 5 am, and 5:10, and 5:30, and FINALLY at 6:00 he gets up (we have to leave at 6:30 to get him to school on time).

So, I wake up at 5:00 am and make a bottle for Mo (she's got a tooth now so no more nursing). At 5:40 she's satisfied so I hop into the shower and start getting dressed; get her diaper bag together for the day, including the makings for a bottle because it's going to be a late day.

At 6:15 my son tells me he is taking the PSAT today, so we have to stop and get him something caffineated to help him stay focused today. At 6:30 we're loaded up and heading out. We get to his school at 7 am, Mo begins fussing/crying/screaming when he gets out, and continues to do it until we get a block from her daycare, at which point she's asleep.

Leave her off at daycare, go to work, and then my day get's mucky. By the end of the day I felt de-valued. It's a long story, but to try to shorten it, I feel that if I've been working for the same employer for 10 years and they send a memo out with my name attached (it was about inservice dates that teachers need to attend), the very least they can do is copy my (married)name correctly in the memo! If names like Dulski, Seay, Jernigan, Gwananji and Haavikko are spelled correctly why can't Jaeger be spelled properly? ok, maybe it's a minor thing, but it was just the icing on the cake for me! I got off work about 4:30, picked up baby girl, went to pick up big brother, had to hit the drive-thru to feed him (it's now 5:30, he's not eaten since noon, and he's just finished 2 hours of swim practice) and the rain starts coming down in sheets! I mean you can't see the road 10 yards in front of you! We go by the house, check on the other son and head to the 6:30 appt. At this point I'm having to drive through high water (in a Saturn)which is ok, except for the large SUV's coming too fast in the opposite direction throwing their waves and wake all over the top of me (ignorant fools)! After the appt. we get home about 8:00, I feed baby her food, giver her a bath and change her for bed, and top her off with a bottle. Finally about 9:30 she's in bed, and I am trying to get online to check into my class and do school work... the rain has temporarily knocked the DSL out, and it's 10:30 before I get to do any of that. At 11:30, I call it quits, I've had enough! I crawl into bed and pass out... until I awake for no reason at 3 am, then to the alarm at 5 am. This has become the cycle of my life this year... a cycle that is gradually wearing me down and out; a cycle that I would like to change, but I don't know how and feel powerless to do so, because I HAVE to meet my responsibilities towards my family, job and school. I don't have the answers and I'm not even sure I'm bothering to look for them anymore.
I am currently Frustrated

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Honoured
10/12/2008 11:45 p.m.
Yesterday I received a phone call as I got out of the shower, an acquaintance/friend of mine who has a natural healing clinic and school (they offer a variety of massages and colonics) called and asked me if I would be the model for the class they are having for Hawaiian LomiLomi massage... hmmm, let me think about this a minute.... of course yes!

When the class resumed after lunch it became evident that one of the students was having some difficulties: 1) due to a physical disability he has difficulty with movements and 2) he was having difficulty with the instruction (possibly a learning difficulty related to the cause of the physical disability?) So, I began to try to re-teach the instruction and slowly he began to understand. (My friend who owns the clinic/school had suggested that I may do this to keep the frustations down... furstration isn't good for massage)

Today my friend and the instructor both thanked me repeatedly for helping, and the instructor told me that I was a "blessing" to her in the class... I feel so honoured yet humble. It isn't often that I get the opportunity to tie my teaching profession skills with my massage profession (I don't get an opportunity to practice massage very often.) Again, I am wishing for a little more time in each day so that I could pursue my massage therapy instructor's license.

Today I am grateful:
1) that I have friends who think to call me to share such wonderful opportunities
2)for the wonderful organic, vegetarian lunch we were provided
3) for my baby girl who greeted me with a smile, and cried for my attention when I got home today



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10.8.2008
10/08/2008 02:23 p.m.
It's been a difficult week already. I woke up Monday morning with a horrible sore throat, stuffy nose, etc. I think it's just a bad case of allergies, but it seems that almost everyone at the house is suffering to some degree.

Moirghan is even feeling punk. She's had a stopped up nose, and at times has felt almost feverish. Last night the reason for the warmer temps was revealed, when she grabbed my finger, shoved it in her mouth and chomped on it. OUCH! She has a little sharpy poking through her gums.

My oldest son stayed home sick today. He's been fussing about not feeling well all week as well. Last night when we took youngest son to boy scouts, my oldest fell asleep on some cushioned chairs in the sanctuary of the church. When we got home, he curled up on a recliner and fell asleep again! He had trouble falling asleep later that night, but was still feeling puny this morning. He told me he didn't think he had any tests today, so I let him stay home to sleep as much as possible. Sometimes when you're feeling bad that's the only thing to do, sleep and let it work itself out.

I felt miserable last night. I think I must have broke a fever last night. Today I'm feeling somewhat improved, but just hope I haven't tested the limits too far by coming to work today.

I'm still struggling to get caught up with my coursework. I don't think I'm gonna make it. I worked on a paper last night (which was due Sunday), saved it to a flash drive so I could bring it to work and work on it on my conference.... well it didn't save to the flash drive! ARGH!

On the bright side, I guess, today is Wednesday, and I only have two more days of work this week.
I am currently Tired

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10.3.2008
10/03/2008 03:07 p.m.
Today...

This week has been a trial; many things have been going wrong. I guess it's better that a whole bunch of bad happens at once and is done with than having it strung out over a long period of time.? I'm not sure about that, but I'm trying to get back on the positive end of the spectrum.

This morning, after my soda bottle exploded all over my white shirt (thankfully I did have an overshirt to button up) one of my co-workers relayed a tale that was scary/funny/sad.

Long story short, a homeless person decided to sleep in the bed of her truck underneath the carport at her apartment complex. When she started up her truck this morning, the guy jumped up and disappeared!

She said this is the second time that this has happened to her. I reminded her that I warned her not to renew her lease and to find a place closer to work.

So, with credit and thanks to Michelle for her life lessons which have caused me to reflect daily on my circumstances, today I am thankful for:

1) My precious baby girl whose smile and laughter are contagious.
2) That today is Friday/payday and I can pay a few more bills this week.
3) That my oldest son has found activities to motivate and help him focus better towards school and life in general.
4) That between the two of us my husband and I have gotten all three of our cars "legal" (registered and current tags) this week so I don't have to fret over neighborhood patrol or other law enforcement.
5) That we have been having beautiful early fall weather the last few days.
I am currently Good

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At long last...
09/25/2008 01:56 p.m.
We had our power restored last night!!! What a huge relief has been lifted from my shoulders.

I washed three loads of laundry last night (I have about 12 more to go... the boys stripped all the beds in addition to the accumulation of dirty clothes over the past two weeks), and fell exhausted into bed about 10:50, and slept the sleep of the bone weary until about 4 am.

It was WONDERFUL to be able to take a warm shower in my own bathroom! I've taken so many cold ones the past twelve days that I couldn't tolerate my customary scalding temperatures (I used to take really hot and steamy showers to soothe my muscles and open my nasal passages).

Moirghan got her warm bath last night too. She wasn't quite as pleased as usual, probably because by the time we were able to give her a bath she'd already been in a good sleep. My husband fed her a small bottle and stayed up with her until she fell asleep again.

It's now time to work on getting our lives back to our "normal" patterns. I feel a bit shamed that I was becoming so displeased with my lot; one of the teachers I work with lost their home when a tree fell across it, two more have dealth with not only the storm and loss of power, but unexpected deaths in their families out of state (a 2 1/2 ur old grand child and a grandmother).

There are still many people who don't have power and they don't know when the are going to get it. My father and one of my co-workers live in areas that say the power has been restored to, and they are still in the dark!

One thing for sure, this entire situation is bringing attention to the inadequacies of 1) our main power supplier in Houston, CenterPoint, other companies are either completely restored, or very close to it, but not CP and 2) FEMA remains the sorriest excuse for a joke when it comes to assuring the needs of people are being met as they always were. It's like putting a bandaid on a severed limb! ARGH!!!

Well enough of that, I'm so glad to have power again, and thank you all for your prayers and well wishes! Now I will take measures to make sure I am prepared to be without power for EXTENSIVE periods of time before hurricane season 2009!
I am currently Better

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I have survived....
09/24/2008 07:42 p.m.
I'm now on day 12 without power at home. I've now been told that it may be as late as September 28th before I get electricity at home... that would be 15 days without electricity!

We don't have gas at my house, so NO way of cooking inside and NO hot water! We were able to borrow a propane cook stove yesterday so we can heat up some things outside, but not much. I'm so sick of fast food and canned foods I could scream!

I did really well for the first week or so... I was able to make it through the week when we were told we would have power by the 22nd, then when they pushed it to the 25th, well I thought "it's getting kind of gross now with the dirty clothes piling up, but we can do it and I'll catch up on the weekend"... but now.... sheesh. I've been washing about a load a day in a wash tub in the back yard and hanging them up to dry, but can't do it now because I'm back at work.

Taking care of a baby with no power has been VERY tough! When I saw the newest forecast on our power this morning.... well I still just want to sit here and cry! We're virtually helpless, and there has been no spraying in the area to kill off the mosquitos and they are about to suck us all dry!

There are some people in this world that I really don't care for, but I don't think I would wish this on them... and because I don't have significant home damage, I can't get any relief... FEMA has pulled out of our area, even though there are large portions in my area still without power and therefore no means of keeping food cold or cooking, etc.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like a whiner and complainer, but I don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know how much longer we are going to be expected to live in these conditions.
I am currently Gloomy

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A busy 12 hours
09/12/2008 07:33 p.m.
We have placed boards across windows, taped other windows, moved furniture inside the house (away from windows), moved all of the potted plants into the garage, filled a 30 gallon garbage can with water (for toilet flushing),gathered up all of our candles, filled two ice chests, etc., in preparation for this storm (IKE). The strm surge is probably the worst that's been experienced here in my lifetime. Two houses on the coast have already been knocked off of their supports and foundations and have been swept away by the water (Please Lord, I hope the evacuated when they were told to!) A child was also killed in the coastal/bay area when a tree fell on him/her (Where were the parents, why was the child outside?!)

We got some last minute things earlier, the lines at the store were long, and they were out of some stuff (bread, ice, bananas) but they were staying open until 2 pm.

The news reports of there being plenty of gasoline...not true. There isn't gas around us and many gas stations didn't even bother opening today, and the storms haven't started here yet....

I've not worried about storms like this for a long time. I don't live in a flood prone area, I'm not in an evcuation zone, but... they have recently cleared a lot of the woods around my neighborhood, so we've lost a windbreak, and I didn't have an infant in the house.I pray I didn't make a mistake, but I really didn't see the need to evacuate and tie the traffic up even more than it was yesterday.

It's supposedly 9 1/2 hours before we'll begin feeling the storm surge where I am. Oh boy, I'm getting ready for a long night.
I am currently Tired

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Ain't that just like a man!
09/12/2008 06:43 a.m.
and his name is IKE!

I don't have to work tomorrow.. but here it is after 1:30 am, and we've barely gotten our house secured!

Looking at the forcasted sustained winds, this is going to be the biggest blow-hard of my lifetime.

I'm not in an evacuation zone... I never had any intention of leaving anyway, and thank God I didn't (don't, and hopefully won't) have to go to the store and fight the crazy people there for non-perishable's and bottled water.

It appears that everyone on our street is "hunkerin' down" to ride this out.

I should actually be trying to catch up on my classwork. I'm behind on one assignment from last week, and have a group project due Sunday night that I'm supposed to edit and post for the group... IF we still have power! That is the one thing I'm dreading more than anything, the loss of power. I can't handle stale, stagnant humid heat, and with a new baby I have no intention of sticking around more than 24 hours without power!

Well I'm going to go try to get a little sleep and get some stuff done early tomorrow. They're expecting the outer bands of rain to come in around 9 or 10 am.




I am currently Detached
I am listening to weather forecasts and evacuation/traffic reports

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