My Mother
04/15/2007 04:33 a.m.
Talked with my mother today. She has a really good way of making me feel like shit. It never fails. She has been in Florida for the month and will be coming home on Wednesday. She talked to my sister today about my "not so clean house". Saying very hurtful things... I shouldn't have children because she will take them off of me if my house looks the way that it does. (It is not as bad as she assumes it is... there is some laundry in the hallway and dishes in the sink - also the cat litter probably needs to be changed tonight - but honestly - it isn't that bad). She compared me to my sister and stated that my sister will not want her children coming to my house and I won't want my kids going to my sister's because the kids would come back and exclaim how beautiful their aunts house is and how mine sucks. My sister has always been deemed the perfect one in my mother's eyes - and my mother has her way of making me feel like shit. I am so emotionally drained from that telephone call. I can't even take it. Why do I bother attempting to continue a relationship with either one of them? I will never be good enough or neat enough or anything enough! I am not my mother or my sister - and for that I am glad. I am not a mother who says hurtful things to her children and who attempts to manipulate one against the other - no matter which one it is. She will talk to me on the phone talking about how stupid my sister is for dating the man that she is currently dating and will get on the phone with her and complain about how my husband is lazy and we are both slobs. Manipulation is how my mother works... she can't function unless she is turning one of us against the other. My sister is a self-righteous bitch sometimes and will never accept me for who I am... If I had to choose between being me (with my lazy slob of a husband and messy house, but compassion and a huge heart) and my sister (with her jerk of a boyfriend and immaculate house, but terrible personality) I would choose to be ME any day!
I am currently Angry
I am listening to TV

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Sooo Much Has Been Happening
02/06/2006 08:03 p.m.
Hi everyone! Well I knew it was time for me to get back on here and update things when I got an e-mail from Gavin saying that if I did not log on soon that my account would be deleted :-0 So...here I am... More than a full year after my last journal entry, updating you all on my life.

Well...let's see, Alan has been living with me since May and things have been going great. We bought a house in October and we got a new puppy. He is a chihuahua-pomeranian mix and he is super-cute (a bit of a handful, though). His name is Bailey and we love him lots.

We got engaged over Christmas and are planning an October wedding. I already booked our reception hall, and got my dress!! I am really excited about the dress because I got it for $99.00!!

I am also finishing school this May and will finally have my master's degree in Social Work!

Needless to say...life is going pretty well and I am actually content with things. Alan makes me so happy and treats me great...so I will keep everyone updated on the wedding plans!
I am currently Blessed

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Busy Busy Busy
01/20/2005 04:54 a.m.
I can not believe how busy it has been at work these past two weeks. It is absolutely insane!! I haven't had time to do anything...I haven't been able to do lunch with Season at all this week and not often last week either, I have tons of dictation to get caught up on and two more monthly contacts to make. I also have a big court hearing next week that I have tons of prep work to do on it. Top that off with an internship, school, and being on-call and you have Melanie with no time to breathe....

On the brighter side of things, we have 11 more days in the month of January. That means January is almost over!! :) 28 days in February and then 19 days in March until I am scheduled to see Alan again. (That is unless he decides he wants to try and come down in February (which I know is a stretch, but I truly hope he does), or if I decide to come up earlier in March as well--pending the weather). But I will definately be up in Maine on or about March 19th. So that gives us 58 days to work with here... :-/ Arg...that seems like forever.

I miss Alan sooooo much. :(
I am currently Exhausted
I am listening to the heat

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Day off...Bored
01/17/2005 04:47 p.m.
I have a day off from work today! Yay! This is the first year that the county is giving us Martin Luther King Day off. The only problem is that I am on-call, which sucks ass, but so far so good. I have to do laundry today since I am running out of underwear. :(

Nothing else exciting going on in my life at this point, unfortunately. I am extremely busy at work because I am still carrying 4 GPS cases, 3 active foster homes, 3 active home studies, and trying to squeeze 16 hours a week out to do my internship crap. Arg...I can not wait until this semester is OVER! Oh I decided to take two classes in the summer instead of one because then I'll only have to take one in the Fall, which means I will have every other Saturday off! YAY! Only problem with that is I don't get extra loan money in the summer, so it would have to come from any leftover money I have from the last two semesters. Luckily I have some, because at $627 a credit, it would take me 10 weeks to earn enough to pay out of pocket.

I don't get to see my honey until March, which really really sucks. I already miss him like crazy and we are just barely halfway through the month of January. But I guess the good part is that I am going up to see him in March, he will be down here in April and then in May...HE IS HERE FOR GOOD!!! I can not wait to start my life with him.

Now I just have to convince him that wearing plaid for a wedding is just not an option... ;)

I love Alan Nelson!!
I am currently Lucky
I am listening to Dog barking outside

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Happy Holidays
01/04/2005 04:59 a.m.
I just spent the last twelve days with my sweetie. It was an amazing holiday and Alan made it that way. He had to leave today though and I don't get to see him again until the middle of March. :( This is the longest stretch we will have to endure without seeing each other. It really really sucks and I don't know if I can do it. It is going to be absolute torture. I guess the bright side is that he will be here permanently in May. I can't wait until I can fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up next to him every morning. I got so used to it when we were spending the last twelve days together...now it is going to be tough being alone again. Damn I miss him so much. I just need to feel his arms around me right now. I guess I will just go to sleep and dream about him all night.

I love you Alan Nelson!
I am currently Sad
I am listening to nothing

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Hangover
12/12/2004 05:57 p.m.
I have a huge headache. I got so drunk last night... I don't think I have ever been that drunk in my life. uggghh... I want to chop my head off. I miss Alan...I wish he was here with me.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to pounding in my head

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Blah
12/02/2004 03:27 a.m.
I'm updating my journal because Alan told me to. (This is not how our relationship works. It is usually the other way around :) )

So there :)
I am currently Boisterous
I am listening to alan nagging me :)

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Thanksgiving 2004
11/28/2004 09:52 p.m.
Alan was here this past weekend. He spent Thanksgiving with me and my family. It was amazing...as is every moment I spend with him. Every time I am with him, I am more and more confident that he is the man I will be spending the rest of my life with...

And that is an absolutely incredible feeling... :)
I am currently Great
I am listening to The pitter patter of rain outside.

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Wishing It Was May
11/12/2004 05:20 a.m.
Something I was just thinking about: (The first time Alan and I met) It put a smile on my face, so I wanted to share it with everyone:


I remember the first time I saw him... I must have sat in that parking lot for almost two hours eagerly but nervously anticipating his arrival. I couldn't wait to put a face to the endless hours of online conversation and the nervous voice on the telephone. I remember wondering about each car pulling into that parking lot...wondering if the driver would be him...the one I had such a strong connection with already. I was afraid of course... afraid he wouldn't be the same in person. More afraid he would think I was different from the girl he talked to every night online.

Then finally...after what seemed like days... the blue subaru pulled in. He got out and came to my window. We talked for a second before I gave him simple directions to my apartment and pulled out waiting for him to follow me. So many things going through my head... He looked different than in his picture...took so long to finally get here.

I started to drive... slow enough so he could keep up. At a stop light I glanced briefly into my rearview mirror and couldn't help but smile. He looked so cute sitting there chewing gum, dancing to the music playing in his car (his "happy" music), his hair tousled and a smile on his face. I think I fell in love completely at that moment. I knew I was falling in love with the online version of this man...and seeing him in person made it all clearer to me.

When we got back to my apartment, he pulled me into a hug and I told him how glad I was to finally meet him. This was the man I knew I wanted to spend forever with. I knew from that first weekend we had together...and now I can not wait until May... when he will be here with me... forever.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Bridget Jones's Diary--Awesome Movie

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Yuck
11/09/2004 02:46 a.m.
Today is a yuck day. A day where I am questioning every aspect of my life and wondering if I am anywhere close to where I want to be...

I am not so sure...
I am currently Gloomy
I am listening to The Heat

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