Standing beside Myself

by Adrian Foster

We talked, we laughed, we got along so well
You wanted more, a lot more
But, you were married
Verbally seperated
Or so you said
But still married
And still living with your husband
And three children
The kids did not bother me but the marriage did
That played a big part in my mind
I knew it was morally/religously wrong
You really didn't have a concern
As to the right or wrong of the situation
You knew what you wanted
So much as to say "I get what I want"
You pursued and persisted and insisted
You provoked and persuaded
With your seductive mannerisms
I gave in after time
But ended it several times as well
Because I knew it was wrong
And I'm a God-fearing man
Although, you laughed at the thought
You turned your back on your children
To be with me
You lied
To be with me
You even lied to ME
To be with me
You spent countless dollars
To be with me
Because you said you loved me
And so soon too
I wasn't in the same frame of mind
As you were, at the same time
But, you won me over time
And persistence
I asked you to get to a divorce
If you were serious
About me
You didn't care
I told you I didn't want to be known
As the "Homewrecker"
You didn't care
I told you to be discreet
You didn't care
I'd tell you not to come over
You didn't care
You'd knock on my door profusely
You didn't care
Scream at the top of your lungs
Open the fucking door!
You didn't care
So many times that happened
You didn't care
I said I'd call the police
You didn't care
You'd lay on the back porch and sob
So I'd feel sorry for you
You'd get what you wanted
Through all this I trusted you
And held you closest to my heart
You always liked attention
And knew how to get it
But you went about getting it from me
The wrong way
Causing fights
Telling me lies
Flaunting yourself to other men
Telling one-sided stories Of you and I
To our mutual friend
But she stabbed me in the back
Because she's your best friend
I hate her for that
But she's no angel either
Because she's done the same damn thing
As you have with another man
But I still feel sorry for her
Because she has to put up with
Your drama and lies
It's been two long years and some months
Gone by, and wasted
Just want you to know
I know I'm not perfect
I'm not a saint
By any means
But I was always true
To you
In every way
And you always had 100% of me
Whereas I was given 25% of you
I asked you of one thing
In the beginning
Please don't ever lie to me
No matter how small
Because you'll open a can of worms
And ruin it for yourself
You couldn't resist
And look at us now
The really bad thing
And fucked up thing
Is that you live a block and a half
Up the road from me
On the same damn street
And,, I still love you
Damn you
For all the shit you've pulled
With me
Against me
I'll pray for you
And your selfish ways
As well as myself


Author's Note: To: Lisa ....Just venting... Update 6/2/2016: You're doing it yet again and I can't wait til the day comes when your, and now your husband's, lies catch up with you in this town. Or anywhere for that matter. One item I left out,,,you wanted me to get you pregnant in order to bring on a divorce or speed one up,,if you actually were to go through with the one YOU SAID you "discussed" with your husband. You said to me, while we were having sex, "I talked to my doctor today and he said that I'm still good for another year or two to have a baby. So let's go! And I looooove being pregnant!". I'm glad I'm not your fucking punching bag anymore and I'm glad I'm not still under that rock you left me under so long ago. You know the one. The one you still think is there. You should really get over yourself. That's not a good thing,,never was. I just put up with it back then. As far as the "getting you pregnant" thing goes,,I said to you "I'm all for that but nothing like that is going to happen until I see a piece of paper that states Divorce Decree with three signatures on it. Yours, your husband's, and your attorney's" And you gave me a smug smile. When I finally got the chance to speak to him, your husband, about what was going on, well, what you said was going,,he said "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what you want to know." I told him "Well, first off, your wife and I have been intimate for the past year and a half. We're in love." You could hear a pin drop, there was so much silence. Then,,"Well I don't know what to say but you don't have to worry about Lisa and I. There's no reconciliation for what she's done. But I give you two my blessing." That was weird..very. But ok. He told you about what he and I discussed that very night and you got back at me the next day. You were upset because I had told him that we were intimate, aside from the fact that we loved each other. You said "Why did you have to go and tell him about the other stuff?? It doesn't matter. Who cares?" Surrounded by lies. How do you live with yourself? Especially when people know you're a liar..smh. And you can go ahead and ask your friends, and your family, or your lovers if they think you're a liar,,just to console/reassure yourself,,but the truth is there. Plain and simple. You'll never change. Once a liar,,ALWAYS a liar. Question is,,do you even know what's true and what's a lie anymore? Not many, if any, liars do. Hope those LONG Sunday, or whatever day now actually, outings are worth it. I can tell by the look on your husband's face that he knows you're still screwing around. Probably left an aftertaste in his mouth after you and he made up. And I'm damn sure he's goin' nuts about how you came about your new tricks and wants in bed. He'll never be able to keep up with your demand for such pleasures though. Not like I did. You're welcome... ;o)

Posted on 04/17/2014
Copyright © 2024 Adrian Foster

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 04/17/14 at 11:46 PM

Just venting or not, excellent conveyance of the messiness of affairs, complicated by divorce or lack thereof, when the love is imbalanced, and related collateral damage. The fact you still live so close to one another, only adds more drama, irony, tragedy to the story. Well done! PS: Not sure if the arrow at the end of each line is necessary.

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