i hope that your spine came complete with cushioning,
wrapped in bubble wrap
package marked fragile
with built-in airbags
because you have never been hugged like this before

i need to translate with these arms
and this body
the idea that i'd like to keep you
that i'd like to be any small fraction of your smile
that i too am something fragile encased in protective shields

so if you listen closely to my embrace you might hear me tell you how
i arrived in layers -- in security
behind metaphoric walls thick with precaution
heavily guarded -- like heaven

and you might hear me tell you how i feel like the heaven that we believe in
is really just a mirror;
a reflection of everything that we could have been
if we lived up to it rather than just looking up at it,
if we chose not to settle
because with this much ingenuity i feel like we command the ability to rise,
instead we collapse like canopies
with our tent poles pulled from under us
with the wind knocked out of us
we find ourselves deflated, static, and occupying space

and you might hear me tell you how i feel like the god that we want to believe in
is encoded into the details,
sewn into the dam of skin that collapses between your shoulder and your neck
sewn into the process that occurs between the cornea and the optical nerve
sewn into the labyrinth of nerve endings that create the sensation of touch

and you might hear me tell you about the first time i fell off my bike
and tore the skin around my patella
only i didn't know it was my patella at the time
and how i remember in that moment distinctively missing my bigwheel and
wondering why i had to learn to ride without training wheels
and i remember
as i sat on the ground, my knee open like a ziploc bag,
my eyes big as circus tents filled with oceans --
i remember -- that was the first time i gave thought to my weight
not just my weight in pounds but the weight of my existence
and the distance between me and the ground
and how clouds look down on us
and how my feet keep my body afloat
and how my skin tore and exposed the truth for the first time
that this is the stuff i am truly made of
i am filled with a red sea
i am filled with pain and infrastructure
i am filled with dams and valves
and there is not one part of me that wouldn't give-way if given the chance

and you might hear me tell you how i feel like i am held together quite well
for a system that wants to fall apart
and how until that day, i only ever saw my dna as a film reel
and i as the projection
and my soul as the lamp shining light on the subject

and you might hear me tell you how
i can not conceive of living a life in which my nervous system covers more ground
than my feet do -- i'm simply not that introverted

and you might hear me tell you how
the first time i felt the details in the rhythm of your heartbeat
i rose like a forest, overnight
and how i was made dizzy by the weight of the thought
that until that very moment i never thought i would feel --




this.

and if you listen closely to my embrace you will hear me tell you how
i need to express, with this hug
a lot of things that i can not say with these lips.

04/29/2008

Author's Note: [ http://www.myspace.com/phrankiesays ]

Posted on 04/29/2008
Copyright © 2024 Frankie Sanchez