today i felt like i needed
a little introspection
so i decided to relive parts of my childhood
with some reminiscent reading.

this is what i discovered.

mary had a little lamb
yes.
then when mary took this backstabbing
lamb to school with her
the lamb deserted her and hung out with the other kids.

it was THEN and ONLY THEN
that poor mary became quite contrary
so she figured she'd start working on her garden.
and she worked damned hard
with silver bells and everything
and still all anybody could say was that
she was contrary..
and you people wonder.

three blind mice
kept looking at me
and it started to become annoying
so i chased them with a butcher knife myself.

little ms. muffet sat on her tuffet
eating her disgusting food
and all the spider wanted to do was say hello
ya know, make the first move
and she runs like hell.
what a moron.

and why are you secluding the black sheep
is the black sheep not good enough for you???
rascists.

it's raining
it's pouring
the old man is snoring
he bumped his head
and now he's DEAD!

hot cross buns?
i don't know about you
but my buns have neither been hot
nor crossed
but now that you mention it...

humpty dumpty
sat on a wall
humpty dumpty
had a great fall...
and now he is really great
scrambled.

the piggy
that ran all the way home
just realized that there's no one there to greet her.

and me
I am the ugly duckling
who just realized that she is never
going to become the swan
because plastic surgery costs way too much.

moral of the story:
don't let me read nursery rhymes to children
because it's quite possible
that mother goose
will end up
in a noose.

04/22/2003

Author's Note: tee-hee. :)

Posted on 04/22/2003
Copyright © 2022 Lauren Singer