I've been there too, sweetie! I read your journal, found tumblr and signed up to try blogging (which I've done before but never stuck with it) but found a really beautiful picture. I think significance and purpose is always found outside ourselves. I've been struggling in a major way myself for around a year now. Hope you are doing better today. Big hugs by some dashboard lights....
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard

If we find a purpose outside ourself that isn't from the heart then forget it. Purpose has to come from the heart and I know you have one or you would not be writting poetry. Feeling comes from the heart. It isn't reason in the logical sense. It is like love for which there is little if any logic. Oh yes, we find reasons and we verbalize them 'good looks', intelligence, etc. But those are only things to make ourself feel better. Is there nothing that you have a burning desire to understand??? I know you don't seem to respond to messages and that is Ok. Have just spent your whole life doing what others tell you to do??? And what do you really know about existentialism?? Have you read Sartre's Being and Nothingness or Camus The Stranger or the Time of Indifference??? That author's name slips my mind which is quickly aging. Have you traveled to Europe or South America or Russia?? Have you really tried to "know yourself" as Scorates said??? Take care young lady and I wish you the best for I have sat with loaded gun in my hand and seen the bullet coming from soneone elses gun at me.