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Of hopelessness and broken bones

by Rebecca Andre

A few years of my head in the sands
of trudging aggrieved acceptance
and perhaps
ok yes-
there was some Apathy*...
But to try and equalize pain and grief!
Only to slowly awaken to the darkened cave
of my early ancestors.

You reach the turmoil of Hades
of indecision and shame -
Shame from you know not what,
but self doubt reigns supreme here.
Self doubt reigns Supreme here.

An ever-present omniscient
L o o m i n g
"."
No known name or shape
just FEAR
and not even fear
something more sinister and nihilistic
lurking
where meditation would be akin to self harm.

Your skeleton is an unknown
unrecognizable
Thing
of stark white twigs and gristle
existing solely to embody Suffering.

Dissociation I believe they call it.
I call it 8PM on a Sunday
when my thoughts have nowhere
Safe to go
inside this bundle.

Did you happen to glance at the
pieces down there?
The fractures, the breaks -
clean through and sharp.
They've broken before
and the whetstones of time
have not performed their duties.

There are no weathered corners in me at this moment in time -
only jagged pieces waiting for the broom
and an ever diminishing hopefulness for a little clarity -
a little light.

07/06/2020

Author's Note: * So much caring feels like tilting at windmills. And when one cares for others and the world - not being able to impact change feels like dejected apathy in the rear-view when one is filled with self doubt.

Posted on 07/06/2020
Copyright © 2020 Rebecca Andre

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