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The Journal of Rommel Cruz

The past in the present
04/14/2006 02:05 p.m.
Back in second year high school, Valentine's day, at the Biology lab, I gave you a card. I said I love you. I know we were still young then and I probably did not really understand what I was doing. But I do know that at that time, I really meant it.

The rest of our high school, you would sometimes tease me. Playfully reminding me that I love you. I probably crossed my brows back then and gave a shrug, trying to dismiss what you said as a joke. Irritated as I may have looked, and as stupid as it may sound, it felt good inside. You were still talking to me. We were still sharing jokes and laughs and what nots. We were still friends.

After we graduated from high school in 1996, we rarely saw each other. I went to one university, you went to another. The years passed by quickly. Sometimes though, your memories knocked on my mind.

Fast forward to 2001 and we met again. You were working just a few buildings from where I was also working. On afternoons, I would come to your office, bringing you the then popular Zagu to drink. Sometimes I would sit in your office's couch and wait for you to finish just so we can spend some time together.

During this time, you opened up about your relationship with a highschool classmate of ours - your bestfriend. I played the confidant and you shared how people thought he wasn't right for you. I, being a friend to you both, encouraged the relationship.

When you had problems with him, you confided on me. I remember the day you called me up the phone and told me that you two broke up. I remember asking you to understand him; assuring you that things would work out. Despite my encouragements, at my end of the line, I was already hitting my head with the remote control. Berating myself on how stupid I was - that I should have told you instead to end it forever; that I was just there, waiting for the chance to make you happy.

Fast forward to now. There are still times that I think of you and the what-ifs and what-nots if only the two of us ended together. But they will just be questions popping up every now and then with no definite and conclusive answer. I was given my chance and passed on it. I will just content myself in the hope that you are happy with him and your child.



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