A Rude awakening.
08/20/2014 03:45 p.m.
Tearing out the pages of the past starting over so to speak, becoming a true Sankofa bird. The past is a mist behind me. Moving straight into the future. What I wrote in the past needs to be gone. Back to starting fresh, vanishing acts on paper, nourishing new words, finding one's authenticity is sometimes difficult. The thought occurred today to refer to this as the starting over house. I've lost myself in the last 18 + years of struggle, deceit and lust. Totally lost myself in the last two years of isolation in this sleepy little town called Beaufort, in the safety of my daughter and her young children.

If I really too a good look at myself I would turn away. Perhaps that is why I can't stand how the camera portrays me, the ugliness within from the past 18 years shines through. Betrayal after betrayal after betrayal. Betrayal of some friends, but mostly of myself. The elastic band keeps popping and I can't seem to let it snap without picking it up again.

Myths, yes I know about myths. 18 years of one long myth of make believe. A myth of self deception and deception to the world. No harm done, I've said. But I have harmed myself deeply and believed I was powerless to stop. Powerless to do anything but continue on the path. I'm not even sure now and as I write that, I know I have the power to cease and desist. (this was started on August 25, 2005 when it was eleven years and completed today)
I am listening to the hum of the airconditioner