lack of confidence
02/20/2008 01:45 a.m.
is the reason why


i spend so much time
trying to fit my entire room into
a suitcase. i
don't know what i'll need, or when
i'll need it, i just know that i'm not confident enough to venture
out
unprepared.

also: i'm a compulsive listmaker
and packing is more interesting when
it's a debate inside my head,
what is worth being put
explicitly on
The List, and what can be just thrown in or left behind?
(mark you, i don't have many of the latter)

everything is necessary. i have thousands of niches for
items
that seem.. . without use.

i have six pillows. and the cat sleeps in the middle of my bed. my light is
adjusted so
i can wake up at 2 AM and crack a journal or favorite book within 30 seconds.
my glue is at my fingertips,
colored pencils and permanent markers in their assumed places.

i can't stand to leave this behind.
i feel restless with and without my room. my alcove.
argh. i feel so abnormal and obsessive.

I am currently Restless
I am listening to last song. matt pond pa