it starts here, with ego.
05/28/2008 02:48 p.m.
I attribute the fact that i've not been writing much lately that i've reached the limits of my writing ability. events didn't align properly, the stars were improperly watched and my timing was off, i didn't pay enough attention in english class in high school. i lost something along the way that was suppposed to be the step to the next level. possibly my lack of drive to take that next step is the only mitigating factor, and i'm just searching for some reason to shut up and do it.

but what is this worth to me? i've lost interest in most of this site, and the people on it with whom i used to spend most of my time writing with, or writing about, or gathering pieces of genius to inspire my next piece have become wrapped in new lives, and the time they once spent here is used for more profitable, or vastly more important ventures, such as jobs, or cultivating a newly formed relationship, or just to focus on something that they feel a distinct need to pursue. i can't help but wonder if anyone truly missed my presence here when i didn't sign in on a regular basis. i feel like a ghost.

i was once described as a literary prodigy. some sort of wonder boy. i'm glad i'm not, because that's one pressure i don't need. i'd think i'd love to be amazing, but i love being what ever it is that i am, and i'm not gambling that. it starts with ego. i have to remember that it's not a problem to have an ego, even one as large as mine, so long as you keep it to yourself. no need to show it to other people, no need to make attempts at comparison, or extrovert the idea that you are amazing.

sometimes, ego is only meant to keep you headed in the right direction.

i have no direction. either i have no ego, or my ego encompasses everything i can see. and we've proven one..
I am currently Jaded
I am listening to my baby talk to the ceiling.