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The Journal of Bradd Howard

lip gloss and abductions
08/22/2005 04:04 p.m.
I'm thinking about your lip gloss, the shiny promise of it... I kissed you and it left sticky clear lines across my lips. Charged with that kiss I walked home. I never thought I was anything less than invincible. But a man coming from behind you and pointing a gun to your head can make you feel like the small lump of flesh that you really are. Soft and squishy... not hard like I always imagine myself. Being abducted at gun point... made to load all of your possessions into a car. Pleading that he just "not take my music man... anything but my music!" I have a gun pointed at my head and I'm begging this guy not to take my Ani Difranco! I guess you never know how you will react in these situations until you find yourself in them. I'm always the strong one, able to laugh off all my problems... I can't laugh this away. This man stole the one thing I loved the most... the freedom to be alone. the comfort in my solitude. I now can't function with out being surrounded by people. Sorry to all who are reading this... I'm still processing through... expect more along these lines... as I try to feel safe in my body again.
I am currently Paranoid
I am listening to the silence around me

Member Comments on this Entry
Posted by Kyle Anne Kish on 08/24/05 at 03:04 AM

*hugs* I'll help replace your music too, Bradd. It's a small token, but I want you to know you are well loved. That aside, life has some very scary moments, and I'm deeply sorry this tragic incident happened to you. As Paul said, "you will feel safe again ... and not soon, but the time will come ..." Odd how a single moment in time can make us rethink how precious life is. Thank goodness, yours was spared. You are a (by nature) a trusting, caring, not-look-over-your-shoulder-type individual. You need to concentrate on YOU now. Overcoming post traumatic stress is something you will not only achieve, but thrive at in the future. My good wishes and hearfelt sympathies are with you. I am glad there's still a Bradd like you walking around on this planet. You've got lots of moxie.

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Posted by Rula Shin on 08/26/05 at 04:11 PM

What a world we live in. I'm so sorry this happened to you Bradd, but as they said above don't worry, the fear won't last if you don't allow it to. He can't take from you what you can give back to yourself. Just take your time to recover but have confidence in yourself that you will. Take good care dear and don't let them break that beautiful spirit *big hugs*

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