I hate dusting
05/16/2007 10:19 p.m.
Today I was dusting (yuck) only because I was forced to though. The rain came down hard sideways, thunderstorm, and the man (uses term loosely) of the house forgot to shut the bedroom windows. He sat there and watched everything on the antique Singer get soaked instead. So I may have said a bit sharply "Are you an idiot?" and he may have responded "Who do you think you are talking to your man like that?" if this were a reality tv show anyway. Must be....cause I did say that and he did say this. So after I explained to him that a "real" man would have gotte off of his butt and shut the window I had to dry and dust everything. I, being the obsessive compulsive at times, had to do all of it. One thing leads to another and another until it is all done......but I digress. Back to the original thought.....where was I? Where am I?
Oh yeah...now I remember. I was dusting. It is funny, I have all these jewelry caskets, pictures, perfumes etc. on my vanity; so many that I forget about them. Then when I dust I pick them up and marvel at...."Oh I forgot I even had this" you know one of those scenes. So I pick up this little silver carousel horse with a clock on it, that I had forgotten all about. As soon as I do I get the achng inward caving of the chest that alerts me to the fact that I was better off forgetting. You know the feeling like someone took an enormous ice cream scoop and hollowed out the place where your heart is supposed to be. The horse, clock, carousel came from what used to be a real living breathing person. A person who used to laugh, scream, yell, run, jump and play. But does not anymore. The problem is the mind works way too fast for the heart. That is the problem. The mind in the second of picking up the horse/clock tells me about all of the association: Pretty Pony Time/Stephen King (hurry your time is running out), the clock on the horse (time is your greatest enemy hurry time is running out), Inanimate object/pretty carousel horse that lasted longer than your best friend who gave this to you and is now DEAD (hurry your time is running out) all at once, BOOM. Too much information from a non feeling brain to a too much feeling unsuspecting heart. How can it be that a Hallmark store carousel/horse clock can make it longer on the face of this earth than a living breathing caring human being? I do not want the clock, I want my friend back. It is simply completely unfair. She died before the battery in the clock (which I will NEVER replace) she is in the cold dark ground and the clock is on my vanity to remind me of how little time we all have. And there it stays waiting for me to forget and grow comfortable, waiting for me to wipe the dust off and see my old wounds new and clean again.
Like I said, I HATE DUSTING.
I am currently Sad
I am listening to the wind