WAITING FOR MY DOG TO DIE Part Two
02/25/2005 07:11 p.m.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Mouli has a date with her maker at 7:40 tonight. About three hours from now.

Hazel and I took her for a long walk in Point Pleasant Park today, She ran around sniffing other dogs and was very happy. We told her that this is what 'doggie heaven' is like. That, she'll have lots of other dogs to play with and every dog is healthy and happy. She was panting, but very joyful.

Then we took her to MacDonald's for a Happy Meal (girl's). She ate most of her cheeseburger. I noticed earlier in the day that the cancer was in her mouth as she had a sore on her tongue.

She gave Hazel her last allowance and they spent a little time together by themselves.

Later, Mouli and I had a little lie down and cuddled. She likes to lie down facing me and we snuffled. She was breathing in shorter breaths.

Tonight will be the first time in thirteen years that I've been without her. Pray that her soul gets to doggie heaven okay.

Damn I'm going to miss her!

Mouli est mort....
December 10th 1992 to February 22nd 2005
paix

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Dear Friends.

I am emotionally overwhelmed and I thank each and everyone of you.

I wasn't going to write about Mouli anymore since it's seems that Mouli's passing was a finality in itself. However, I feel the need to tie some loose ends up.

The last I talked about was going to make Mouli's steak., her last meal. She was remarkable right to the end. My friend J. came over a couple of hours before her date with her maker. Mouli was always very happy to see J. She bounded up the yard to greet him, interrupting her dinner. J. and I hand fed the rest of her dinner to her. Then she and J. went outside and she did her tricks for him, chasing her tail etc and for the first time that I've ever witnessed, licked J. on the face..

Inside the house, Mouli presented all her toys to J. one at at a time, showed Jay her toy and then took it back to the big pile. She nipped and marked each toy one last time, and everything was given some degree of attention.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" J. asked as we examined her cancer ridden body one more time. There were lesions everywhere. Some were red raw.

"Well as long as she's still eating...?" J. inquired.

"She's not really eating... She's off dog food, cheese, peanut butter, milk. The only thing she's eating is steak and that was hand fed. I think her smell and taste is affected." I replied as Mouli watched panting.

Then I let J. and Mouli spend some time alone and J. started crying. I was already teary eyed. J. told me he hadn't felt this sad since his father died. He offered to come with me to the vet. I said "No, it's something I have to do myself." J. hugged Mouli one last time. J. and I hugged and then he left....

Mouli went upstairs and laid down on the big bed as though to prepare for the evening's wind down. Miffin the cat was there. I brought Mouli and Miffin together and they snuffled and rubbed each other. Ten minutes to go, "C'mon Mouli, let's go for a car ride!" She hesitated, but followed me. I took one of her favourite stuffed toys with me, a Mr. Wrinkles.

At the vet, I asked one last time if there was nothing we could do? The treatment, not guaranteed, would be worse than the cure. Lots of chemo, very expensive drugs and treatments and an animal with need of constant medical supervision and at her age, an inevitable death anyway. In other words, an even sadder way to go.

"Okay then, let's get on with it..." I replied.

At the moment of her passing, I held her and Mr. Wrinkles. I told her how much I loved her and how she was such a good girl and how much her daddy was going to miss her. I again reminded her of how she was going to a wonderful park where all the dogs were healthy and happy. I told her that Hazel would look after Mr. Wrinkles for her. I held her head and she looked at me with those beautiful soulful doggy eyes as she passed over.

Mouli est mort.

After spending some time with Hazel and giving her Mr. Wrinkles, I went home. I got all of Mouli's toys and put them on my bed. I placed a photo of Mouli lying on the bed next to me.

Mouli's sister, the cat Miffin was looking all around for Mouli. She went to all her spots where Mouli would lie down and she checked them all. Miffin had lost her purr, I carried her around with me and hugged and cuddled her.

I slept a fitful sleep.

The next morning was awful. I realized the reality of this passing again. I wept. Miffin came and comforted me. Still no purr though. She kept looking out of the window. I took a personal day and didn't work.

Later that day, I got a stuffed puppy from Mouli's pile, and put Mouli's collar on it. I held Miffin in my arms like a baby and rubbed the toy as though it was Mouli sniffing her, and she started to purr. The purr was getting louder and content again. Then she detached herself from me. Looked at the toy as though it was something really creepy, and went to lie down on the bed. She still purrs for me, but it is a broken purr, and I can tell.

This morning she heard me sniffle and came and laid down next to me. After I got up, she went back to looking out of the window.
I made some errors in the previous memoirs about Mouli. Mouli was in fact, 12 years and 2 months. Miffin is about six months older than Mouli. Miffin has always had Mouli to protect her and snuggle with. I've had Mouli since she was eight weeks old, so I guess that would be twelve years pretty well exactly.

Miffin hasn't been out since Mouli's passing and I'm not sure I want her out. She might do some crazy cat thing. Now is the time to give Miffin some extra personal attention and love.
I'm suppose to get Mouli's ashes back tomorrow.

I still have a lot to do, like clean the house up, vacuum dog hairs, do a laundry and throw out half cans of dog food. Everything reminds me of Mouli, like her turds in the yard and footprints in the snow, slowly eroding away.

I hope that my words about Mouli will help you cope with what is the inevitable for all your favourite little animal companions, and it has helped me to write it.

Hug your pet and love them dearly. They are little angels sent down to protect and care for you as you are their protectors too...

Love and peace to all

Phil
I am currently Sad
I am listening to my cat breathe