My Son is Dead
09/24/2007 12:02 a.m.

April 19, 2007


My Son died today, a little after 7 pm. He was 12 years old and 4 months. An old man according to Mother nature. When he was first taken to the emergency unit, my mind was not in my control, as normally it’s not in my control. Thoughts passed through. Thoughts that I damned the moment they came, yet they came. ‘If he dies now,’ the thought came, “then I won’t have to see him suffer and die in a year’. How selfish and self serving this bastard little thought was. In just one moment, one second, it festered and exploded into a cancerous entity…much like the one that perhaps killed my son. “He’s old now,” nature whispered, “I’ve got to find some way.”

Floyd was, is, and will always be my first and most precious SON. Twelve years he was at my side. Twelve years we roamed from place to place. Twelve years he was my loving companion, my best friend, my protector, my everything. And all I ever gave him for his unconditional love was my companionship. That’s all it took for him to love me, follow me around…he just wanted to be near me. Now he is gone, and I want to go back and murder that bastard thought. I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO DIE!!!!! What thought had a right to infringe itself on ME!!!!??? Bastards, ALL of THEM! To HELL with them all!!!!

Floyd. Floyd Floyd floyd floydee floyd floyd floyd floyd floyd….where are you? I love you so much…so much. I can feel your soft velvety fuzzy face against mine…I can FEEL YOU. My Son.