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The Journal of Alison McKenzie

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04/12/2015 11:18 p.m.

It's so amusing to me, how younger people are always the ones to say "age is just a number".

I wonder, will it ever be my time for love? Biological realities always seem to prove that age isn't just a number. However, it isn't just younger men. I seem to be forever out of sync with love when any age man wants to be a part of my life.

This particular man wasn't inappropriately younger than me, he just hadn't had children yet, and I was clear from the beginning that I can't have more children. *sigh* As we got to know one another, it was easy to see that he clearly wanted children. Sure, he wanted the woman to be "as sweet" as me, and he wasn't sure he would ever feel the same about another woman as he did about me, but ultimately I couldn't give him what he wanted - a family. And having a family, if you want one, is an important stage of life.

I never thought I would be at this stage of my life and be alone. Alone is ok. I can do alone. It's just not my preference.

I feel myself shutting down to the possibility though. It's so difficult to navigate new relationships at this stage. I'm just almost sure we weren't meant to.

I am currently: disillusioned (which may be a good thing actually)
Listening to: 432hz on repeat


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