Musing
03/07/2006 03:55 a.m.
Nothing seems to have changed, in that respect. It was never for me in the first place, I was accessory, doomed from the start, as it seems. Voices stay the same, with different undertones maybe, and I still know every breath and pause and cycle.

But none of it ever was meant to be mine
and I could never have had it.

Bright lights maybe. A flash, brilliant then gone, but brilliant is all he ever needs to be, where as me, I need to be more, to be whole and alive instead of living and slowly descending. Ha, descending. That's irony at it's best, I didn't even plan that one! There's a value in all that self-discipline hiding in strings and a shapely body. Applied elsewhere, or everywhere....ahh but no ones that complicated, it seems. Oh well, I dream and want to be all of that. A sort of olympic torch rather than another birthday candle or ignition or whatever.

I am looking out the window at the little cars far away in the night. Pairs of lights gliding and stopping and gliding again. Funny, what are the chances that I'd be staring at that particular car as it goes into the night. To the driver, how funny it must be to not know that there is a girl in a library on a hill staring into your windshield and watching your habits.

Habits. Why is nunswear called a habit?
I am currently Cool