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I Feel Like this Life is not Mine...
12/29/2005 08:38 p.m.

So much has changed in the last year.  It's all hitting me now, not so much that it is the end of the year, but because this is the first time I visited New York since this summer.

I live in Michigan.  I am really independant.  I work two jobs.  I run a barely fledgling company (but one that is lots of fun).  I am not seeing anyone.  I am no longer living with my best friend.

I went from what seemed to be a great relationship to this weird constant status quo.  I went from having my social life revolve around my roommates to have it revolve around, well someone I'm not.

Work-aholic, boring, those aren't words that normally describe me.  But it's my way of coping in Michigan.  Don't get me wrong, I have lots and lots of amazing friends there.  But I'm still not me.  Well, I've been me around someone else twice, and laughed till my sides hurt, and that has been a light through the clouds. 

 

I am myself when I explore town.  When I do something like, snowboard, something solitude based.  I've been healthy, I've been productive.  But I just have to remind myself, Michigan IS my life.  This is something I'm living, therefore, I need to be me, and show who I am. 

 

I throw parties so I can be social without having to socialize, but you know--I like that.  I like sitting in a cafe with so many people around me, without ever talking to a single one.

But I miss apartment 214.  I miss the life I had then.  But it wasn't perfect either.  I had this subtle depression that I didn't show all the time.  But it had me down a lot of the time.  And now, although I know that I'm not me, at least I know who I am.  I've never felt so independent in my life, I need to stop whining over Michigan, and I need to live MY life.


I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Back 2 Good -- Matchbox 20

Member Comments on this Entry
Posted by Vimal Rony on 12/29/05 at 11:26 PM

I don't know if one wld like at it that way but this is also educative and therapeutic to the reader.

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