again.
08/27/2008 04:16 a.m.
I always do this. and I always do this with you. I somehow convince myself that you have feelings for me. that your feelings for me are anything close to my feelings for you. I let it all go. I can't detach myself. I have no idea why. I did it with Simeon. I never felt this way. and you and I never did anything. we've never kissed. we've never even held hands. nothing. and I'm so glad of that right now. so glad. I don't know what I'd be right now if I had taken those opportunities. I'd be way more of a mess than I am now. and who knows where the fuck that would go. I'm already on the edge of puking my guts out. I hate myself for this. so much. I am such an idiot and I know it. I should have known. but I didn't. and I put myself here. put myself right here in this position to hear about this, for you to tell me and for me to want to curl up in a ball and cry until I don't have any tears left.

so that's what I'm gonna do. it's all I can do.

god, I'm pathetic.