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I have friends that don't like me, and I love it
01/16/2004 11:17 a.m.

yeah, that's really true.  I like them and they think (I think???) they like me.  so what makes me think they don't like me, you ask.  Is this just paranoid rantings?

they don't like me number one, because when I speak they don't listen.  If I share a burden with them (and this is a group that shares burdens) they are quick to seek to "fix" me but not quick to listen to me.  If I tell them, no I don't think that's my problem, they argue with me.  I've even been told I'm resisting God.

Sometimes if I share some of the deep things of my heart it is interpreted in the MOST obnoxious way.  Like, trying to express that there is power in prayer, and being caracatured as a TV evangelist. (I know I sound like a whine-y teen age girl [no one loves me, boo hoo] stick with me there is something good at the end.  But it does get worse.

so why do I love it, here's the good part.  It has been the resource of peace and spiritual power for me.

may I ask you a question: what standard do you put on people who you can allow to teach you anything?  Are the possibly people in your orbit who could teach you something if you would just listen?  I learn from these people directly and wonderful (if you are reading this you know who you are but may not agree with me about the dislike thing, its my journal and I can assert what I want).  I am learning how to minister to people in wonderful and powerful ways and I see it bearing fruit in my life and service to others.  So I'm learing from people who don't like me but I am not learning by example.  These people have wonderful gifts of healing of souls but have been greatly offened by "the church" (join the freaking crowd) and they identify me (i'm supposing) with the chruch.  and they don't like the crutch, and so I am an offense to them.  but I don't mind, anymore.

It was real tough to deal with for a while.  but why did it bother me?  the truth is there is a part of my heart that wants to find meaning or validation or "life" in having people like me.  but no one could ever fully meet that need.  so when I'm not listened to or caracatured I ask God for a faith that can have peace being squelched by people that I love but cannot love me because of their history.  and God has given me wonderful peace, more than I've ever had before.  what would it do for you if people disliked you and treated you with disrespect and it proved to be no barrier in your heart to loving and serving them-- it would be a huge source of spiritual power, and that is what I've found and I find that I'm able to serve people to the breaking down of strongholds and seeing people set free.  And I LOVE seeing people set free.

how could I not love the friends who have brought about this blessing in my life.

and I also love religious prigs in the church.  my son asked me what was the difference between a church and a porqupine?  a porqupine has the pricks on the outside.  but what does that mean????

 

my mood is serene


I am listening to the HVAC hummmmmmmm

Member Comments on this Entry
Posted by Susan Q Tomas on 01/16/04 at 04:13 PM

Carl, I just had to comment on your journal entry. The title pulled me right in. You are an intelligent, experienced, wiser person than me. So I assume you know the stories about the butterflies, or the one about the bees. (if you have not heard or read these well circulated stories, let me know) How they are metaphors for how we need to struggle in life otherwise we would die. As my son's preschool teacher told me, "We learn through conflict. If there were never anything to resolve, we would never learn to resolve problems." I think this applies to life. We learn when we are confronted, or when people rub us the wrong way. We are also tested. As far as I know you, you always pass the test. You definitely are tuned in to the Holy Spirit. I just love reading about your spiritual struggles. You articulate your thoughts and feelings so clearly.

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