without her
05/12/2008 07:12 a.m.
so, it's mothers day, or was. and it was the first one i've had without her. i remember last year, before we found out about the cancer, i told her i would treat her to a nice dinner some time. we kept putting it off, and putting it off; and then, when we found out about the cancer, it got lost in the back of the mind.

a few months later (about a month or so before she passed), we were just talking together, and she brings it up that i never took her out to dinner; she's not angry, but sad. At this exact moment, she turns to me and says that she'll probably never eat anything worth eating ever again. She starts to cry, and the look on my mother's face- tears running down her cheeks, what few hairs she had left on her head, the saddest eyes i've ever seen- was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. i think that it was the first time that either of us had really come to understand the position she was in.

it's strange. i never really cared too much about mothers day, because, well, id just rather show my mother how much i care every day. and so we never did anything special; but i think i've just reached the age where i would actually start getting into the spirit of it more; and, alas, my mother is not here anymore.

be good to your mothers. always. enjoy and cherish them while you still have the chance; let them know you love them.

i'm sorry if this is a downer.
just some thoughts.
I am currently Reflective