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The Journal of Andrew S Adams

hey.
08/08/2007 07:04 a.m.
some thoughts, abruptly:

i'm feeling much better than when i wrote my last entry. it was a stressful couple of days, but i'm feeling better now.
i don't get it-i'm not bipolar, as i don't have manic episodes; but then again, i don't really fit the criteria for a straight depressive, either. i have panic attacks, but they're not consistent to the point where you could classify an anxiety disorder- i hate it when i get caught up like this. psychology was the only class that i ever really excelled in, and understood and liked- so whenever i go through something mentally abnormal, i start trying to self-diagnose, which is foolish, but cheaper than going to an actual psychologist.
all of this basically adds up to is a pile of disconnected dots.

which is more real, though: the rational process that i can go through when feeling normal that lets me eliminate all these disorders, or the intense feelings i actually have when things are going wrong? am i more able to say what is what when i am like a third person as opposed to the first person?

this is completely rambly, but i think it's kind of interesting.

i always find myself too interesting.

anyway, i've been feeling so much more creative lately, which is something positive to glean from all of this, regardless of what state i'm in.

on that note:
thank you, thank you, thank you ALL for sending one of my poems to the top of the ratings list. i know that it is extremely superficial, but my respect for the people in this community when it comes to literary matters is ridiculous. i've never had a poem reach that high before, nor will i likely ever again; but for this moment, i feel validated in dedicating part of my life to writing. it's not often that such a thing happens...

rambling again. but thank you. it means a lot to me.

also, thank you to all of you who have contacted me to see what's up and how things are going, especially kerilynn. it means a ton.

the new okkervil river record is amazing. i highly recommend it.

"and i knew then my last lines were gone
but stupidly i lingered on
all wise men know
when it's time to go,
and so i should to"
- John Allyn Smith Sails

what is it with songs about John Berryman? For those uninformed, he was a poet who jumped to his death from the washington avenue bridge here in minneapolis (if you've ever been here, it's the double decker one that's painted maroon and has the U of M logo on it)- but he must be like, the 'it' character now- because there's this song from this album, and then last year the hold steady had this song, 'stuck between stations' also about john berryman. now, stay with me while i connect these dots.
1.) i am a poet with personal tumult.
2.) a bridge just collapsed here.
3.) two songs about berryman, a poet with personal tumult
4.) that led him to jump off a bridge here.

i realize it's a loose as can be connection, but it is kind of interesting. i realize it means absolutely nothing. but still, just kind of intereting.

one last thing, i just got on to 'heroes'. that show is addictive. watch it, if you don't.

and that's all i gotta say. peace.
I am currently Thoughtfull
I am listening to Okkervil River- Our Life is Not a Movie Or Maybe

Member Comments on this Entry
Posted by Jim Benz on 08/08/07 at 07:10 PM

I wrote a poem last year about Berryman (Mr. Bones) and his bridge jumping. Dream songs is what he wrote toward the end, so its appropriate that he pops up in songs. Hope your tumult lessens even more, and soon. Interesting connection.

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