dave
12/11/2001 12:20 p.m.
the summer signified the unity of the group adn how together we all were and how close we felt. but one by one the group began to drift apart. and the saddest thing ive ever experienced is when someone you know becoems someone you knew.
the first one to leave was dave. he was the oen i was closest to. even before i went into hospital, hed been like a brother to me. id talk to him online for hours and the night before i went to paris i didnt go to bed cos id have to get u too early and i stayed on the net all night and he stayed up to and spoek to me till i had to leave and ctacht he plane. he was the first person i ever showed my poetry to. he was so understanding and encouraging. he told me my work was good. he showed me his for the first time as well. i felt liek i coudl tell him anything. a few times i sneaked out of bed and met him down the road and walekd inot bangor and wtached the sunrise. the first tiem i was freezing and he took off his favourite smashing pumpkins hoodie and gave i to me. he knew i was hungry too and he went to an all night garage and bought me a sandwhich.

then in the hospitl ann afterwds he became even closer to me. and i know most boy/girl friendships get messed up by romance but that was never an issue for me and dave. we were so so close and there never any threat of romantic feelings from either one of us.

then he started getting problems of his own. he was in love with kirsty, who going out with dani. he didnt think dani treated kirtys well enough. dabe resented him for that and ani resensted dave because dave resented him. dave would ask me adn paddy and kirty to hang out with him and not the rest of the group. and i did it cos i loved dave like a twin brother.

but i didnt want to abandon dani. he got anoyed when we would go off with dve adn not him espicailly when kirsty went too. i refused to take sides. i love all 3 of those guys with all my heart and it tore me apart to see them at each others throats, or worse still, cut out of each others lives. when dave spoek about dani i always stuck up for him and i did the same for dave when dani spoke about him. i rmmebr one tome dave, kirsty, paddy and a few other guys wer eon the beach and kirsty and dani had just had a fight and she was talking abuot whata bastard he was and everyoen esle there hated him too and we agreeing with her. i tried to get then to stop cos i love dani and i didnt think it was right thata nyoen art from him and kirsty should be discussing it. basically i was told if i wasnt wit thm i was against them. that really hurt. why should i have to take sides against my best friends?

then it got worse. kirsty 2 timed dani with dave. dani had asked me was anythign oin on but it really wasnt my place to say. dani had becoe very close to me and i knew he cared auot kirstya dn what she as doin was hurting him but i coudltn say cos i love kirsty adn i knew that at that moment she was hapier with dave than she was with dani adn i knew that dave genuinely cared for kirsty and he was happy now he was with her.

kirsty stayed with dani but continued to 2 tiem him with dave. dave refused to ave any contact with dani and vice versa. the 3 of then didnt know what to do. on msn at night id have all 3 of then asking me what i thought they should do adn all saying nasty stuff about the others. i hated that. i love them all adn the only thing i wanted was for tthem all to go back to being friends.

evenatully kirtsy made up her mind to stay with dani. dave was devastated. after that he wernt totally off the reails. he cut hgimself off rom the group totally, apart from me and paddy. he started drinking heavily, smoking and doin whatever drugs he could get his hands on. he wa a wreck. he stopped eatng and sleeping and then he moved out and was sleeping in a different persons house every night. his mum was worried sick and caleld me all the tiem to see if i knew anything. i treid to convice dave to at least call his mum so shed know he was ok.

the worst tiem came when dave was alking in the town one night with me and padyd and then suddenly began droping all his belongings, hos phone, hishandcuffs, his shirt, everythign to the groud. padyd an di picked them up and tried to calm him down he wouldnt even look at us. he walked to the railway track and jumped over. he said he coudltn go on after what kirsty did to him. paddy and i tried everythign we coudl think of to talk him out of it. i was crying. this whole thing was way too close to home. finally we got him off the track and persuaded him to coem home in paddys car. paddy dropped him off but told me he saw him wlaking down the road when he was driving home.

i stillsa w him the odd time and i spoto him onlien and he called pretty regualrly as wellthen all of us udden he stoped talking to me. he blocked me on msn, he ddnt return my calls, he nerv camto my house. he said he never wnated to speak to me agaion. he never told me why.
I am currently Hurt