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The Journal of Aaron Howard

Spotless Mind
06/11/2005 06:36 p.m.
you know.. few things have touched me in my downward spiral as much latly as sunshine and the spotless mind...
It just makes me wish I had someone like that in my life.. someone who was so honest.. someone who was there.

Love is somwething you wish you had.. pure, drawing a moth to the flame, love.

and yet.. I fall for all the wrong people.. I fall for all the wrong innendo's

I can't forget someone I loved.. someone who knew..or at least wanted to know me... knowing me is like a tragic dream. Something that's almost tangible.. but my fear just overtakes me.

I remember something...something about you.. something thats makes me regret leaving you... going away when I promied I never would.
and I walked away.. and now... i regret. Saying goodbye.

but I guess that's what makes me who I am.. someone who ran from love...
only to live now.. a life of regret.

maybe regret is something that I am best at..
maybe this is all just a metaphore of me...
I never knew love.. until I met you..
and now.. it's over.. I forget.. I ever knew.

So I wake up in the afternoon.. and miss your arms around my neck
and I live my life.. from paycheck to paycheck..
I know one day..at least I can die..
without ever really having to say goodbye.

You know I think that love is proabbly what ruins out lives
where we live through all our days tring to just survive.


I wish you all well in your search for love.
may you find it and never loose it, so dont pick and choose it
for you'll find you had it, but didnt grab it..
and now you wish you'd taken a stab at it.


Happy with a secret... a secret that i still love you.
Happy.. happiest I've ever been.
almost like a dream.. but then again, a dream is usually in hindsight.

I miss you.
and proabbly always will.
the love of my life...
the air in my breath,
maybe I'll be lucky
and meet you after death.

---
I wish I had a girl with two colors in her hair..
someone who lived thier iives without someone else's care

yeah. I can wish for someone outta an anime dream..
I can wish for someone who'd know the real from the seem's.
but I guess a man can dream.
and just take one for the team.

I'll be here. waiting...
while others are just contemplating.

I need you loving, so let the time pass
because I dont want you, for just a piece of ass.


I am currently Anxious
I am listening to Psycho Boy Jack - Fight Club Soundtrack

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