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The Journal of Aaron Howard

Insomnia Brings out the writer in me
05/18/2005 12:52 p.m.
I've been avoiding writing for a while, since really.. it's just be complaints about my so called shitty life.

I've been working alot.. but havent been making shit..
my manager told us all not to make this job our primary source of income. Yeah. No shit. This last month has kicked my ass worse than anything I've dealt with in the last year.

Abcessed teeth have been really making me sick too.. almost to the point of me going to the free clinic and seeing what they can do to help me out.. the infections keep comming and going.. it's been a real struggle with the pain.
I've never known a pain quite like oral infection.

Honestly.. this last 6 months has been almost unbearable to deal with..
Suicide seems like a great option sometimes.. but honestly.. I can't fold. I dont think I can even fathom folding.
I know people struggle through this stuff.. and it only builds character.
What doesnt kill you.. only makes you stronger..
I guess I could say the same thing about writing.
I sit down and produce a bunch of work.. that honestly.. Im not proud of anymore... stuff that I've just been writing and deleting..

I used to just put pen to page and put out crap.. lots of it.
Now I just delete it before I can even get the nerve to throw it on here..

I have a couple files of druken ramblings/poems.. I might toss those up here after I get some real time..

I need a fat wad of cash. I hate money.
It's my current nemesis.

I'd sell my body on ebay.. but I dont think that'd be something that'd get me much money.
I've been trying to brain storm a way to make more money..
something on the side that could at least put some food in my fridge.. bah. Enough with the complaints already.

I think that's one of the main reasons I avoid writing stuff in here anymore.. just my fear of sounding like I'm always complaining... but in all honestly, this has been a really rough year for me.

I hope next year will be better.
or am I just stuck in a storm, getting wetter?

I am currently Bleh
I am listening to We're all on Drugs - Weezer

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