The Journal of Mainon A Schwartz|
O the Agonizing Irony... help?
09/10/2003 12:50 a.m.
I spent four years of high school falling in love with boys who never loved me back (granted, they hardly ever knew.. I'm the type to forestall rejection).
So then I gave up on love, and decided to enjoy relationships for what they were worth, finding connections and experiencing them, acknowledging but not being obsessed with them.
And now I find myself in the uncomfortable reversed position... where suddenly men imagine themselves besotted with me (and I know it's imagination, because three (three? what is this? a situation comedy?) have told me "You are, like, the perfect girl" and we all know perfection only exists in fantasy...
I didn't ask for this, I didn't, I didn't, and so why why why should I have to hurt someone totally innocent just because I can't fall in love back? How do you tell someone you're flattered, but really, you just want to enjoy their company and not try to assign anything magical to the chemistry?
Am I a horrible person?
Can I possibly be complaining about the fact that boys like me? And could anything be more ironic to the memory of a lovelorn little girl, sitting wistfully in a high school classroom, staring out the window and wishing for possibilities?
What's wrong with me?
I am currently Dismayed
I am listening to Humming. Of machines.
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