Shutting systems down
02/11/2009 03:00 p.m.
In june, my brothers and his wife will have a baby boy. next month i will be undergoing laproscopic surgery to have myself sterilized. its an odd juxtaposition.
im 27. i do not want kids, i never have, never will. my husband and i joke about children being 'seed'....in a derisive way..its funny. as long as i dont say it outloud around someone who already had 'seed' inside them. luckily i havent made that mistake yet...but i assume, just given the odds of it, it will happen at some time in my life. and then later, i will laugh about it.
so, i've made this decision and im happy with it...the only weird feeling that i have is this...odd...niggling at my brain about shutting down, permanently a body system. i imagine the little clips inside that will cause a part of my body to die and then be taken away by the workings of my immune system rendering my ovaries and uterus completely disconnected an unable to communicate in that eternal way.
sometimes i wonder about the fact that it goes so against the grain of nature and the human desire to propagate...the basest instinct....i mean, where did my wiring get twisted to make me never want to continue my own blood? it just makes me wonder.
but i dont wonder about whether i want to do it or not.
right now, i wonder how im going to tell my in-laws who have bought highchairs and such for the future.....luckily, they have another son.