There is a mental state
where I am able to amazingly weave words into tapistries capable of catching eyes.
That state, tends to be one of dissatisfaction.
If I'm perfectly happy, fine, joyful, content
my words are well spent elsewhere.
However, one can't just toss trajedy in the path
and expect these black keys to type out something worth a JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!
You see, if the scale is tipped too far,
if these hands are full,
then I put down
myself.
The distraction of actions 881 miles away, out wieghs any tasteful progression
in the expression of all things searching for sanity.

I remember in the ninth grade
when a queer took the talent show by storm
with a cover of a Bread song.
She sang,
about giving up her life, her heart, her home
just to have YOU back again.
I think it was 7:35am, today, with a revolving chamber pointed at my temple
that I realized I only had One of Three up for offer.
Perhaps that's why, despite all my clever repitition, I can't convince you to come back home.

The hard part,
is knowing full well that my concept of loyalty isn't shared by most anyone,
and certainly not by anyone close to me.
They are all too concerned with what is expected of them,
what they should be doing,
what they want,
to ever really place human relationships above all else.
By pushing them to achieve this unrealistic goal
I'm probably just pushing them away-
and if they stay,
setting myself up for the biggest dissapointment since your first time.

And although, the relationship in me is exhausted and can't tolerate anymore...
that loyalty,
that GOD DAMNED loyalty,
is ensuring that I put personal well being aside
in hopes that I can ride this storm so that you won't be alone-
inbetween fucks.

09/03/2008

Author's Note: current events. actual title: (Fuck)me(Fuck)

Posted on 09/03/2008
Copyright © 2010 Nickolas Crosby