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One-Sided Nightstand Note by Rachel C JohnsonI get a note saying thanks anyway.
Who gets a note saying that?
People who dont try hard enough
to get what they want out of life,
those are the people who receive
notes on their nightstand
thanks anyway,
and thanks
for nothing.
I grew up with a skewed perception
of the kind of woman I would be,
thinking maybe Id have darker hair,
or that it would curl easier;
but also thinking I would be strong
and independent like they always say
we should beas if vulnerability were
a bad thing in this day and age (it is,
incase you didnt get the memo).
But nobody wants to see a woman
so stable in her life that she doesnt need
a man to come and save her
this is the image we most often portray,
but honestly, baby, we need you.
You just have to wait and see;
its not an ask and youll know
kind of thing.
I think my ideas of modern day women
were all tainted by popular television.
But I never wanted to be the lawyer
or the doctor with the boy
chasing after her like shes the only thing
hes ever understoodshes not,
he still doesnt understand her,
even when he tries
(this is the way of men).
As much as Ive fancied fantasies
like this one, Ive always held deep-seeded
understanding that Im not that kind of person.
And I came to a deal with
the sound of my heart beating
that no one would run after me
in the rain.
Not because Im independent,
like the woman I imagined,
but because along with that
I added contempt to the picture.
And so I dont get boys,
frustrated with my behavior,
sacrificing their clothing
to stop me on my leave.
I get notes that say thanks anyway,
but I never needed you dear.
I just wanted something
to make me feel loved,
and now that I do, I think Im done.
But thank you for the concern.
I appreciate your friendship.
Ill call you when I want you.
Dont bother calling me.
04/06/2008 Author's Note: Self-portraits are my children.
Posted on 04/06/2008 Copyright © 2010 Rachel C Johnson
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Charlie Morgan on 04/06/08 at 01:45 PM ...ah rachel, you're womanhood is showing!, Ms. Johnson, ahem...permission to speak? i am gonna have to put this up as a favorite, because it is...rachel, i love all of this from the points o' view and we guys have no clue, i love you for being a favorite of socarates who said know thyself...kudos, beautiful self protrait...charlie |
| Posted by Coleman Demiurge on 04/06/08 at 03:45 PM Well said; Well done... As much as I adore all of this, the fifth part there is easily my favorite part, especially the last line - "I added contempt to the picture". Likely because I, personally, have a knack for doing that myself every chance I get. And I think we all grow up with some skewed perception of what we want to be, or if they're not already skewed at the time they will be when we grow older. Perhaps it's better that way though. I mean, what's life without challenges?... Enjoyable probably. ;) |
| Posted by Barbara Penryn on 04/06/08 at 04:10 PM Beautifully articulated, deep reflections. I too heard the tumblers fall into place with "I added contempt to the picture". I heard this voice loud and clear and these thoughts resonate for me and many in my observation. Great work! |
| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 04/19/08 at 04:23 AM I think it's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kind of world for women these days. Show too much under-belly and you attract users. Show too much contempt, and here come the "thanks anyway" men of the world. Like we were offering something of substance to begin with? I think I love the way your perception of things comes through! |
| Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 06/04/08 at 09:15 PM Obviously selfanalysis that resonates with some of the female readers, while we men just scratch our heads! |
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