My fight is for the golden universe and my weapons are the stars
01/19/2009 06:52 a.m.
Good evening, morning and night to all readers, whatever the time may be that you happened, in good fortune, to stumble across my words written here. In my case, it would be morning, as it is currently 4:09 am as I begin this entry.

I have not written anything worthwhile or given a personal update in quite sometime and have been meaning to do so -- I suppose now is as good a time as any -- since I have nothing else going on. By the way, lately I find there is little better to do in the wee small hours of the morning than write. It seems to be all of what I do recently and believe it or not, my job and my social life are actually starting to take a back seat to my writing again, just as it once was, and just as it should be. *gasp*

I can never sleep these past few weeks. I mean that in almost the most literal of sorts. Case in point, it's past four in the morning right now and I am only just now starting to feel muscle fatigue in my eyelids, but just slightly. I have spoken to a few of you about this already, some of you have expressed concern in my appearance and spirit. I have lost a few pounds, yes, five or so, which I attribute to the insomnia. I have virtually lost my appetite most days and have cut back to one meal or a few small snacks a day. I am at a loss as to what is causing this insomnia. For the past three weeks, I have figured that I have been sleeping an average of four hours a night, if even that. Today I actually achieved 9 1/2 hours, but only because I slept until 4:30 pm. That's right -- I didn't even fall asleep until 7 am. I simply am/was not tired. Even with my Ambien, I don't feel the smallest bit of tranquility. All the Ambien does is fatigue my muscles a bit, but not my brain. I think I'll be out to dreamland by about 5 to 6 am today though, I can definitely feel it coming on now.

I don't think it is being caused by any sort of depression brought on by winter; I have actually been doing very well (not fine, but nearly) in that regard this season. Typically in the wintertime, I get extremely down and depressed -Seasonal Affective Disorder (S-A-D, the most fitting abbreviation ever, if you ask my opinion), but this winter has been easy on me, I am fortunate to say. I guess I have been more careful to focus on the good, happy and positive things in my life, than on the bad, sad and negative. Focusing on the latter will never bring about solutions or closures to any situations or ordeals, with the opposite being said true for the former. I have learned, as many have, but many still must learn, that by merely focusing on positive thoughts and concepts can actually bring about positive effects.

You might recall an entry I wrote about this time last year (for you long time readers) in which I said that I was shifting more of my efforts to becoming a more positive person, to stop searching for things that don't exist in the places that I'm looking, etc. In fact, it was my new years' resolution for 2008 (2009's was 'be a groundbreaking writer'). The results are finally beginning to come back. Yes, to completely remake one's mindset and outlook on life is such a massive maneuver that it has literally taken me about a whole year to start feeling permanent results in my mood shift. My friends, the entire fact of the matter is that, indeed, we ourselves as human beings with intelligent and vastly complex moods and mindsets can have full control over them, willpower withstanding. All mood is a state of mind. Most people tend to have little or no control over their minds, attitudes, emotions and moods. That being said, do you think that one could really achieve true happiness unlimited without a certain amount of forceful willpower over themselves alone, sans pills, chemicals, drugs or alcohol? I am getting there, and I urge you to also. I may come off as thinking myself a saint, but believe me, I do not think that, and I am the furthest type from such a thing.

Simply, I believe that anyone can change something as heavy their lives and mindsets just by changing a few small things every day. They are the weights and scales of emotion. By setting 1,000 small goals and achieving each one, you can reach 1,000 ends, but there is only one conclusion: happy success. Keep your goals resolutely and run to them. Achieve each one and you will win yourself over.

One thing I am not too happy about lately is this winter weather. I am sick of the snow and the cold, but we are already over halfway through January, spring is right around the calendar. By the way, today is George W Bush's last day as president -- ! No more can he lead this country into the ashy pit of war and loveless lawlessness and malevolence. I am happy about this, as you probably might also be. But I am not judging. If you support Bush, more power to you.

This has been, though, one hell of a winter. Definitely the hardest that I can remember (I've only lived through 23 winters though). We are actually having a bit of a heat wave now, if you could call it that, with temperatures expected to be above 30 for the first time in 9 or 10 days (Thursday night, the low here in Northern Iowa was -29 F actual temperature with windchill factors in the -40 to -45 F range). Just think: 30 F above zero is 59 degrees warmer than Thursday night's low, and SEVENTY-FIVE degrees warmer if you consider the windchill. So yeah, it really is a heat wave! But truthfully, snow, just stop, seriously, you can quit now. We get the point. You're no fun when you're a pushy bastard laying to waste all our hopes of a wonderful winter. People are dying out here because of you, and yet you do not relent. Just stop, srsly.

In fact, my hatred of winter has inspired a new poem-novel, The Vast Empty Asylum, which I am currently working on, due out in stores (blogs, posts, bulletins, pathetic.org, writer's cafe, podomatic) everywhere in a few days, so stay tuned.

Movies, yeah, I still watch them, not as many in the past few months as I had been. I even stopped going to Blockbuster so much, and have been saving a ton of cash. iTunes rentals are mostly what I've been doing now, and I am starting to grow into some TV shows as well (a select few including Heroes, Fringe, The Office, House MD, and Lost, but I've been watching the latter two for a while, House since it started on tv, and Lost since last year). Now I am falling in love with Heroes, it really is superb. Movies I've seen lately include Wanted, Casino, Rosemary's Baby, A Clockwork Orange, Johnny Mnemonic, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, Casablanca, Eulogy, Dial M for Murder, WarGames, Purple Violets, Chinatown, Transsiberian and I took the liberty of watching Dan in Real Life again (thanks a lot, Sarah!). Those last three are outstandingly wonderful, as was Rosemary's Baby, which I thorougly enjoyed. Near future watches will be Jerry Maguire, As Good as it Gets, The Green Mile, Appaloosa, as well as more episodes of Fringe.

I've been reading a lot too -- The Road by Cormac McCarthy is a chilling depiction of father and son survival in a post-apocalyptic world with all the modern amenities and memories reduced to gray ash falling from the sky. I've also been reading a lot of short stories by Ernest Hemingway, Choke by Chuck Palahniuk and listening to an audiobook of Just After Sunset: Short Stories by Stephen King (Duma Key by him also).

So that's about all. I am sleepy now. It's 5:25 am, this took a while because I was writing other things too. Good morning everybody. Maybe I'll see you today.

Chadwick
I am currently Somber
I am listening to my steaming hissing humidifier

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Special Thanks
01/05/2009 05:57 a.m.
Special Thanks to all those of you that listened to my recorded poem, A Warning Dear Traveler, on my poetry podcast last week. This week, today and tomorrow, expect several more of my spoken poems to be posted. If you forgot or missed the link, it's http://cmbauer.podomatic.com - a quick way that you can subscribe to it to be automatically notified when updates are available is to copy and paste the following address into your iTunes under the menu Advanced > Subscribe to Podcast: http://cmbauer.podOmatic.com/rss2.xml - if you have Safari or Firefox, you can use that link too. Of course, it doesn't work in IE, because Microsoft is a big douche. If you don't have iTunes, Download it just so you can get my podcast because my work's about to get a lot more awesome. :D

New photos coming soon as well. :)
I am currently Pathetic
I am listening to Vampire Weekend

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Podcast Announcement
01/02/2009 03:17 a.m.
I now have a podcast where I will be recording and posting spoken word readings of my poems. Please visit at http://cmbauer.podOmatic.com/ - new pieces will be added weekly. To get a taste of my podcast, please go to my poem "A Warning, Dear Traveler", located on my Library page, down in the author's note you will find the spoken recording embedded. :) Enjoy.

Chadwick
I am currently Tired
I am listening to the refrigerator humming

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Dusk
11/25/2008 06:02 a.m.

Dusk by ~poetryeffect on deviantART

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I See You.
11/25/2008 04:08 a.m.
Who sees my journal? How many views do I get?


Now I know.




Create your own visitor map!

I am currently Disillusioned

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Cause & Effect
10/07/2008 05:54 a.m.
IF THE WORTH OF A LIFE WERE TO BE DETERMINED BY THE AMOUNT OF LOVE GIVEN PLUS THE AMOUNT OF LOVE NOT RECEIVED IN RETURN, THEN I AM RICHER THAN EVERY MAN.

I like odd numbers. I am sort of superstitious when it comes to numbers, patterns, numerology, symbols, all those kinds of things. The only reason I bring this up is that as I loaded this blog (I'm going to start calling it journal from now on, I like that better) entry page, it falls upon an odd number day of the month (7), and a double-odd time (01:39 AM). That being, October is an evenly numbered month of the year and the year 2008 is also evenly numbered. This is disappointing. If you actually count from January 1, we are in the 9th month now. Of course, if we were running the long-count calendar correctly by the way the Mayans did, today would currently be the 1st day in the 14th month (uinal) of Ix, and the year would be slightly different, though not by much, and it'd be called a Tun, not a year. In Long Count, 12.19.15.13.4. Damn, still some even numbers. Readers, do any of you or have any of you in the past ever been interested or researched about Mayan calendars and their effects on that ancient civilization? Specifically, do you ever wonder or read about 2012 and the so-called Mayan predictions of apocalyptical catastrophe that are supposed to unfold before us? I say so-called because a lot of so-called experts in the field claim that the long-count Mayan calendar ends in 2012, but this is just not so. What ends is this CYCLE, this current cycle that humanity and the Earth is all wound up in to. I borrowed the following from a website on the matter: "The Mayans measured long time periods by means of a Long Count, in which one 360-day year (a "Tun"), consists of 18 x 20-day "months" ("Uinals"). Twenty of these Tuns is a Katun; 20 Katuns is a Baktun (nearly 400 years); and 13 Baktuns adds up to a "Great Cycle" of 1,872,000 days, (5200 Tuns, or about 5125 years). Confused? No? Good. Basically, according to the Mayan Calendar, on December 21, 2012 at 11:11 AM, GMT, will be the end of the 5th Great Cycle. Starting at 11:12 am GMT will begin the 6th Great Cycle. The astronomer Philip Plait has stated very clearly that the Mayan calendar does not end in 2012 at all, that it is like the odometer on your car, as each section of the odometer reaches 9 and then clicks over to 0, the next number to it starts a new cycle, so that when all the numbers again reach 0 all the way across the odometer - the last number will change from 1 to 2 and the new cycle starts all over again." End website material.

The date December 21st, 2012 A.D. (13.0.0.0.0 in the Long Count Calendar), represents an extremely close conjunction of the Winter Solstice Sun with the crossing point of the Galactic Equator (Equator of the Milky Way) and the Ecliptic (path of the Sun), what that ancient Maya recognized as the Sacred Tree. This is an event that has been coming to resonance very slowly over thousands and thousands of years. It will come to this resolution at exactly 11:11 am GMT.

Now I don't want to go too deep here into this for those of you saying, Well what's this supposed to mean to me? or how will this affect me and my life? And believe me, it will, in magnificent ways.

Sure, some have said that the world will be destroyed by tremendous earthquakes, fire and sulphur, or water and ice, if you will, what have you? Some have claimed it a farce, that it's just coincidence and nothing will happen. Others, myself included, think that these old Mayans may just have been on to something. They accurately predicted astounding astronomical events months, years, even thousands of years before their occurrences. And don't even get me started on the sunspots or magnetic polar shift!

But, my friends, do not worry, it is not all what they say, or (what I mean is) what the doomsayers are saying. The end of the 5th Great Cycle simply means according to the timeline encoded in the true Mayan Calendar. this is "time as we know it" now. The linear concept of time will no longer be needed. What I, and many others, believe this to mean is that humans will experience a great shift in consciousness. Some of you may scoff or laugh at this, do as you will, but listen to what I have to say.

"Wow, how time flies!" How many times a day do you hear this said by somebody in normal conversation, or overhear it, or say it yourself? I'd be willing to bet that most of you hear it at least once a day, if not more. Do you yourself feel that time seems as if it goes faster and faster every day? Watching your children and your grandchildren grow up, it seems like no time passes at all, doesn't it? Worst of all, watching yourself get aged and older, time goes faster and faster and soon you'll be at the end stage of your life, right? Do any of you ever wonder or stop to think *why* time appears to be speeding up, or should I say, why our very perception of it is accelerated? I will tell you, or at least attempt to tell you, why this is.

The answer is simple, and it is not. I call it the Shift. Others call it other things, some call it Paradigm Shift. Others call it Awakening. What it is, readers, is the whole of human consciousness is speeding up, becoming condensed, compressed, compacted. According to the encoded timeline in the Mayan Long Count Calendar, the feeling that time is moving faster will continue to increase over the 4 years from Sept 9, 2007 to Oct 28, 2011. This doesn't mean time is moving faster - it only feels like it. What is actually moving faster, is consciousness. The following website material explains this better than I ever could: "We do not actually see consciousness moving, what we do see is the effect of Consciousness working on us internally, in the mind, and on events that occur around us every day. Now, more than ever before, many are feeling an internal growing unrest.

The things that used to provide us with comfort and satisfaction are becoming increasingly less fulfilling. We are sensing a growing inner disturbance. This is a driving force of Universal Intelligence for awakening us to our true condition. The discomfort and disturbance we experience moves us toward growth. We see more EVENT happening, which can appear as chaos without an understanding the grand design of Universal Intelligence grand for humanity. More and more and more is happening in a shorter span of time, yet much more is possible within less time!

For example: January 5, 1999, the Mayan Calendar timeline moved into an entirely new cycle.

After January 5, 1999, more events take place in a shorter amount of time; 20 times more! In other words, all that used to happen in a 20 year period of time, now takes place in 360 days! If more is happening in less time, would you feel like TIME is moving faster? You bet.

When a LOT more is happening in a shorter time-span, it definitely feels like time is moving faster! Even though, it really isn't. A minute still takes a minute; an hour still takes an hour. Your watch isn't moving faster however, Creation or Consciousness, certainly is, and what is going on inside you is accelerating at the same pace!"

Could this be attributed just to the human population of Earth growing at an ever-increasing rate, therefore causing *more* events to occur due to more people to cause them? Possible, though highly unlikely. Do you think that through technology, the cyber world and the internet, humans have tapped into a vast resource of time-shrinking? Humans can achieve more things than ever before now in a shorter amount of time than ever. Olympic sprinters and swimmers are breaking new records, computers are getting 10 times more powerful each year (see Moore's Law), more hurricanes are forming and impacting land than ever before. And it isn't just natural events that are experiencing vast changes. Governments and nations around the world are seeing internal, external and civil unrest in ways never before seen in history. More humans are living now than have ever lived or died at any previous point in history. World economic markets are on the brink of catastrophic meltdown because of fears and unrest.

Here, I will answer the questions you have. Why is this happening? What does it mean? How can a simple calendar affect the world and our lives so much? Again, my friends, the answer is so clear and so simple, but obscured without examination. Read on, gallant readers.

I post more web material: "What difference does it make what calendar we use? Our modern day calendar is based on a 365.25 day Solar year. A solar year calendar has its roots deeply embedded in the abstract seperation frame of Consciousness that began to influence our earth world in 3115 BC, at the very beginning of the National Underworld. This separation Consciousness still prevails in our world today. (at the very beginning of the national Underworld is when the first written language appeared on the scene, along with mathematics, the first religions, and the world's very first nation was formed in Egypt.)

Humans began to separate themselves from one another. National boundaries, class systems, the ruler and the ruled. Woman, children, animals and nature were seen as property. Land became 'owned'. This brought the necessity to protect and defend territory, and the first organized warfare was born.

All of this has more to do with consciousness, than a calendar. However, the calendar we use does reflect our state of consciousness.

The calendar of the Maya (or, the Calendrical system of the Maya comprised of 20 different calendars) was a unique manifestation of consciousness amongst the people who were able to see and describe the 260 day and 360 day calendars that became the center hub of their civilization. These two calendars called the Tzolkin and the Tun, are not based on anything physical moving through space. Worlds apart from today's modern calendar that tracks the Earth's annual orbit around the Sun.

The Maya did have a calendar for tracking the Solar year, called the Haab, that was accurate to within .002 seconds. This could be seen as an astonishing accomplishment by a culture that modern scientists call a "Stone Age" people.

The solar year calendar (Haab) had great value in the agricultural Mayan life, but it was from understanding the intricasies of the Tzolkin and the Tun where spiritual insight, authority and power emmanated.

The Tzolkin is called "pieces of the Sun" and "pieces of Divine Creation". It is the Master calendar that measures, marks, coordinates, and describes all the various Creation cycles. From the very large 16.4 billion year 7 day and 6 Night "week" of Creation, all the way down to the 360 day Tun cycle we are currently in now, to the unique energetic "Day" descriptions of each and every single day.

Growing in understanding of this extraordinary rare view of inter-woven spiralic cycles designed by Infinite Intelligence reveals synchronistic patterns from the grandest macrocosmic proportions to the subatomic level that exist all the time, everywhere, at the same time and yet are contained within the Human design.

Do you want to know what your purpose is in Life for being here now?

Your Life's purpose is not entirely contained within a single Tzolkin birthday personality sign because it is the smallest creation frequency described by the Tzolkin and the most difficult to perceive. The human personality is designed by creation to be shed in these extremely high frequency times of inner evolutionary transformation. The Tzolkin birthday sign is just the very first baby step into a bold new world of self-responsibility where we can erect ourselves from struggle, suffering, personality, and conditioniing to consciously build a living spiritual body.

We are designed to evolve. The final phase of our evolution is within. Through the use of Intelligence, we can see what we really are, how we are designed, and what we can do to awaken ourselves into the living ever present reality of being a "Living Creator"."

Still confused?

"According to the most recent discoveries now available, the timeline encoded in the Mayan Calendar, reveals eminent global destruction is not the likely focus of these final shifts toward completion of Creation's Plan. Tthis is not to say there won't be challenging times ahead for all of us and possibly many Earth changes too.

Several likely significant transitions are on the horizon:

intense economic upheaval
collapse of power structures
unraveling of old paradigms
the erosion of institutions
development of sustainable energy
Everything has purpose, whether we undertsand it or not.

If it weren't for the fact that there is a "Plan", that can now be proven and clearly seen, we would be running into our future completely blind. With a scientifically verifiable timeline that precisely tracks the evolutionary process for the last 16.4 billion years, we can now begin to prepare ourselves for the NEXT evolutionary step for Humanity. This creates hope and peace of mind even in the midst of coming challenges." End website material.

Simply put, friends, in recent years, the human race has begun to experience a Great Reformation of Consciousness. First we experienced the internet age, which allowed us to connect, share ideas, thoughts and creations better than ever before, a synchronization in a way, you might say, of the human race. In 2001, the attacks of 9/11 on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center forever changed the consciousness of the entire human race. We entered into a new era, an age of uncertainty and trust issues. Americans didn't trust the Arabs, the Arabs didn't trust the Americans. That progressed into unjust and unnecessary wars, causing the American People to lose trust in their President. The amount of trust he receives continues to decline, as the amount of distrust grows in a sickening way. In 2004, the great Southeast Asian tsunami on December 26 occurred, causing the ultimate and untimely deaths of more than 225,000 human beings. This tsunami was caused by the second-largest earthquake ever recorded in history. In 2005, Hurricane Katrina became the costliest and one of the deadliest hurricanes to ever hit an American shoreline. Over 1,800 human beings perished in the water and wind. Total cost in monetary terms: 81 billion dollars. In 2005 and 2006, earthquakes continued to batter the earth, killing more than ever, along with increasing terror attacks throughout the world. Don't forget the 2006 Lebanon War and the constant threats of Iran toward america. Disease continues to be a growing threat all over the world. AIDS and the Human-Immunodeficiency Virus continue to spread, unstoppable. Extinction of species, murder of rainforest and atmosphere continues, all caused by the machines and greed of man.

Five decades ago, foolish men predicted that technology would improve the quality of life for everyone on the planet. By everyone on the planet, they meant, well, everything except for Africa, The Dark Continent. AIDS, Tuberculosis, malaria, drought, famine, civil war, genocide, poverty -- all continue to batter the continent and nobody will come to the aid of these poor people.

What have we done to them? What have we done to ourselves?!

I will tell you what we have done. Humans, in creating their own timeline, their own calendar (the Gregorian) have caused their own consciousness and lives to be pushed out of sync with real, natural time. Humans were designed (if design and creation isn't your thing, then just think of us as *appearing*) to live in synchronization with the planet, with the animals, with the weather. In creating an inaccurate calendar, we have shifted our entire consciousness to our lives and the need and greed that we sustain within them. Our bills, our credit cards, our jobs, our television shows, our video games, our complete lack of appreciation for anything natural and our love of the artificial, our plans -- they have all defined our lives and our attitudes, and through our attitudes, they have defined and manipulated our very consciousness! In this consciousness, the old stuff becomes pushed back, forgotten, thrown by the wayside. Who cares about the ocean anymore? Think, really think, about that question? Who *really* cares about the ocean? The surfers, who spend their days using it for recreation? The fisherman, who overfish it to make money to feed their families and pay their bills and watch their televisions? The politicians that say, "We're going to clean up this ocean!" and then proceed to have no idea where to even begin, and lose interest after a few months? Do these people really care about the ocean? No, because they're using it for the following three reasons: 1. The surfers - to please themselves and have fun doing recreational activities. 2. The fishermen - to achieve the wants of their greed and the means to obtain it. 3. The politicians - to get a photo op next to a Greenpeace activist so that Greenpeace will support or endorse that politician in the upcoming election. The fact of the matter is, friends, none of these people really, truly care about the ocean. To them it is only a way to their means, to their wants, to their greeds.

Do you want to know who really cares about the ocean? The fish and various other sea creatures that live within it. Because without it, they would not be able to exist. To them, the ocean is of utmost and vital importance. Now tell me, do you believe the fish have the concerns or problems of man? And why not? Could it possibly be because they have everything they need there in their all natural environment, able to obtain it at any time with (relatively) little effort? Compared to the fish, what must a man do to, say, get enough food to sustain him for a day? (I feel like I'm writing "Ishmael" all over again.) Generally, a fish can venture out and usually find what it needs within a short period of time, obtain it, and eat it. Separately, a man must first contemplate what he would like to eat. Similar to the fish, he must then go out and find it. But what happens once he finds it? Well this is where it gets tricky. First of all, unless the man planted the food and gardened it himself, it doesn't belong to him. This means that another man "owns" the food that this man wants, and more so, actually needs. This is where the concept of trade comes into effect. When two parties each have an object or similar item of value that the other may want, and may give something else in exchange, this is trade. This is the part where the first man has to come up with an object of value to trade with the man that has food, and hope that the man with the food gives him the food. This is usually where the concept of MONEY comes into effect. Now I'm not even going to go into this concept becomes it sickens me to a point beyond recognition, but I digress. So he gives him some money (or, in an ideal world, a different kind of item, perhaps a garment or an animal) and the man with the food gives him the food. What is wrong with this picture? Isn't it stressful and/or mentally agitating *enough* to even have to think about or consider the idea of obtaining FOOD to SURVIVE and the SACRIFICES or CONSEQUENCES that one must GIVE UP or DEAL WITH in order to obtain this precious commodity for the SAKE OF SUSTAINING LIFE?

You see my point. The entire system of the way man does things is corrupt and full of holes. In a natural world, everything is shared equally and everyone is happy. Just remember, we wouldn't have oceans (or rather, the life in them) if this was not the case. When man becomes subject to consciousness and his consciousness becomes subject to the hobby or instinct of living, then man becomes subject to living. When man becomes subject to overreaching consciousness and the overflowing of desire, man becomes subject to that desire, with desire being subject to greed, man himself becomes subject to greed. Man becomes greed. Greed is money, money is greed. Money (greed) is the root of all evil. Remember that point the next time you enjoy a large, overbearing meal with family and friends (all you Thanksgivingers), while an emaciated child with a distended stomach in Ethiopia had four grains of rice and a tin cup of dirt water from the local well, because that's all his mother could provide for him.

Continuing on with 2012 and the Mayans: The Synchronic Order of Natural Time governs the unfolding of our lives. Time's cycles are found within our bodies and within Nature's daily rhythms and cyclic seasons. We have forgotten this, thinking that time is money or that time is the clock, or the relentless progression of work weeks and weekends. Time is the ever-changing, unfolding Now as it synchronistically coordinates the Whole living Universe. From his studies into ancient Mayan Time-Science, Dr. Jose Arguelles decoded the mathematical nature of the Synchronic Order, The Law of Time: There is only one timing frequency which unifies the whole galactic order from its largest constituent to its smallest. This timing frequency is the 13:20 ratio, found within the harmonic structure of the 13 moon calendar as well as our human bodies - our 13 main joints and 20 fingers and toes.

I, Chad, wholly believe, swear, and do affirm by it that human beings were created in ways that match the universal system and structure that we do not yet fully understand. Everything from time, to the sun, the moon, the earth, the animals, the weather, our bodies, the water, our food, our emotions, our desires, the stars, the galaxies, the universe, GOD (if there is one), are all one and the same entity, living and breathing together in unison. This is called the Universal Order of Things. There is, believe me, a system as to why things are the way they are, where they are, when they are, how they are and what they are, governed only by the Unisingular Universal Structure Code, and I am quite sure that we humans will never perceive the full scope of the thing.

These times are so accelerated that no answer could encompass the vast implications of the phase we are in. A range of responses are available to us. Depending on who you talk to and what area you research, one can find all kinds of claims as to what can be expected. From cataclysm to enlightenment, world war to world peace, massive earth changes and physical destruction, to massive spiritual awakening to our inherent oneness, there are many views of the implications of the approaching year 2012, 2013, and beyond. One thing is clear - we are right in the thick of this critical, transformative period. As this date approaches, we are collectively in a transition phase of the old world dying and a new world being born. This moment on Earth, with all of its heightened energies, has never existed before. The opportunities and challenges of today's world are the climax of all that has preceded us. Never before has the population of this planet increased by 216,000 people a day. Never before has the Earth's biosphere been in such a precarious state. That which seems like normal lifestyle decisions and behaviours are but precedents set by our modern standards - not necessarily reflecting the most balanced, healthy, or sane way to operate. It is for us to decipher how to live our lives with integrity; to determine what truths empower us to model our lives according to our greatest harmonious potential.

In closing, but I will probably write tons more about this again sometime, I believe that humankind is due for, and heading toward, a new era of enlightenment and you can call me crazy or psycho all you want, but a new era of peace after this enlightenment. This may come about in ways and means that are so far beyond and extraordinarily incredible that we may not recognize them as being so at first (it has already begun to occur), and we may not believe it or even want to believe it. But hear me, friends, and hear me well -- things are not going to continue going on as they have been. I assure you, though, Earth and man's attitude toward it and fellowman will not improve right away. In fact, just as has been occurring over the past 8-10 years, progressively worse events will unfold, unimaginable events, and new wars will begin and end. America itself will suffer just as Africa has, and many will die, either by the hand and weapon of the government, by the hand and weapon of fellowman or by the hand of oneself. This is a necessary step in validating our right to existence in the universe. An era of destruction, war, catastrophe, haphazard polices and mismanagement of resources are sadly the only thing that can completely convince mankind to change his ways, and to emerge from the darkness into the light. A billion or two more human deaths might do it, but maybe just count on three or four billion for good measure. This is the kind of catastrophe, my dear valuable friends, that Planet Earth and its people are facing in the next 4-5 years. Quote me on this, because you know damn well how true it is just as much as I do. I am merely your catharsis, your true inner consciousness, helping you to accept what sort of drastic changes are in store. Prepare now - mentally, physically, spiritually. You will need every sort of thing to prepare yourself.

A lot of you make think that what I have written in this journal entry here tonight is a load of ...., but please, read it again, and then re-read it. Meditate on it, do your own thinking, form your own opinions. If you really want to get down to the nitty-gritty, do some of your own research on the 2012 predictions. Just don't get too scared. And try avoiding the parts about polar shift and sunspots if you can. Most of you that know me well know that I would never write this much about a topic that had no interest or meaning to me. As you can see by the length of this entry, the story is quite the opposite. This is by far the longest journal entry I've ever written. My apologies, and not. This is also the most important entry I have ever written.

And it wasn't even about what I was going to write about when I first started it: dreams, and the extremely extraordinary and unusual events that have been occurring in my presence as of late. But I'll save that for another day. Ah, look, 4:29 am, that's a nice odd number. Time to go.

Chadwick
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to the rain on my windows

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Milk Thistle
09/29/2008 01:43 a.m.
Milk Thistle, milk Thistle
Let me down slow
Help me go slow
I've been carrying on

I'm not scared of nothing
I'll go pound for pound
I keep death on my mind
like a heavy crown

If I go to heaven I'll be bored as hell
Like a little baby at the bottom of a well

Fair child, fair child
How are you man?
Did you fix that store front?
Did you start that band?

Don't be scared of nothing
You go pound for pound
You bring peace to midnight
like a spotted owl

I'll be rooting for you like my favorite team
If somebody sweats you, you just point them out to me

All the sights and sounds
This little world's too crowded now
And there's only one way out

An elevator ride -
Through the tunnel, towards the light
And I'm nowhere bound
Keep going up and down
Up and down

Newspaper, newspaper
Can't take no more
You're here every morning
Waiting at my door

I'm just trying to kiss you
And you stab my eyes
Make me blue forever
like an island sky

And I'm not pretending that it's all ok
Just let me have my coffee before you take away the day

Lazarus, Lazarus
Why all the tears?
Did your faithful chauffer
just disappear?

What a lonesome feeling
to be waiting round
Like some washed up actress
in a tinsel town

Before the record I'd come pick you up
We'll head for the ocean
Just say when you've had enough

All the light and sound
This little world's too fragile now
And there's only one way out

But if you let me slide
I'll do my best to make things right
And I'm nowhere bound
Just going up and down
Up and down

Milk Thistle, milk Thistle
Let me down slow
Just help me go slow
I've been hurrying on

I was poised for greatness
I was down and out
I keep death at my heels
like a bassett hound

If I go to heaven I'll be bored as hell
Like a crying baby at the bottom of a well

Omaha, Part I
09/23/2008 03:31 a.m.
Well as many of you know, I had myself a little vacation over the weekend, to the wonderful place of Omaha, Nebraska, to might I say, one very kickass music show. The main band I went to see was Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band. Conor Oberst is the frontman/singer/songwriter for the Omaha-based internationally-acclaimed band Bright Eyes. He started another solo project, him and the Mystic Valley Band, consisting of Conor, guitars and vocals, Nate Walcott (also of Bright Eyes fame), keyboardist and trumpets, guitarists Taylor Hollingsworth and Nik Freitas, bassist Macey Taylor and drummer Jason Boesel. They released their self-titled debut album last month. If you wish to pick up a copy, which I HIGHLY recommend you do, you can head on over to www.conoroberst.com and buy one there. Or just let me know if you want a copy.

Moving on... (you've gotta start moving on, it will be better in the sun. Just move ahead, it won't be long, and it'll be brighter...!)

I also had the great pleasure of experiencing the sights and sounds of Jenny Lewis in concert again (first time was in 2006, also in Omaha, when she was on tour with the Watson Twins). She was incredible. That doesn't even begin to describe. Her new album ACID TONGUE is out TONIGHT on iTunes, and tomorrow morning in stores (I just bought it on iTunes a few minutes ago, downloading as we speak. Wait, no one's speaking! Is it still downloading?!?! lol). After Jenny's performance, in between a couple of Mystic Valley Band songs, Conor called her "The most powerful woman on Planet Earth." It was pretty amazing, she and I made direct eye contact several times, at one point longer than about 15 to 20 seconds. And she stood offstage to watch Conor play and kept looking at me then too! I have video to prove it. It's in the process of uploading to YouTube right now, as well as some videos of Conor and the Band and over 100 pics as well. Sorry that I'm not able to post the videos and pics sooner, but my internet connection has been pretty choppy lately and things are moving very slowly. By the time I wake up this morning, it *should* be done.

Before Jenny was a band called Son, Ambulance, also from Omaha. I had never heard them play before, but I do own one of their albums. After them and before Jenny was another band that I didn't catch the name of, but I should have, because they rocked major! Well, both bands did.

I think my hearing is finally starting to recover, the high-pitched squealing in my ears is fading. Sweet. I was seriously worried about my hearing, as I was standing RIGHT NEXT to a set of bass subwoofers about the size of a small car and 5 feet away from the main stage right embankment of speakers. And you know how they crank the volume at these things? They turn it up by like two hundred percent for the headline band, that is, Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band. Conor, you threatened my hearing, I don't like you as much anymore. You threatened my precious ability to ever hear any more of your phenomenal music ever in the future. But I forgive you, because passion's passion, right man?

So I will be posting those photographs and videos shortly, within the next few days. These damn videos will take HOURS to upload to YouTube, if at all, with the way my internet keeps cutting out.

On Friday night I swung over to Rockwell City to pick up my favourite cousin April so she could join my old college friend Trent and I on our infamous road trip to the big O. We left Humboldt at about 1:30 on Saturday afternoon, arriving in Omaha at about 5:30 or 5:45. Using trusty ol' Google Maps as our navigator, we promptly discovered our first destination, Zio's New York Style Pizzeria in the Downtown Old Market neighborhood of Omaha. This place, let me tell you, is legendary. I have been having people recommend their pizza to me for years and I never tried it before. Well, now I have, and, ohmygod, delicious. I bought dinner for everyone, go me! (And tickets too!). I'm just a way-too-nice-guy. Some would disagree. Anyway, so after we stuffed our faces and talked about how awesome the waitress was, we jetted. Let me backtrack a little bit right here. I lied when I said that our first destination was Zio's. It was actually a parking spot, but were any to be found, except for 4 blocks away? No! We spent 20, maybe 25 minutes, just finding a parking spot downtown to eat.

The Old Market is amazing. If you ever have a chance to get to Omaha, definitely check this place out. They have horse rides, live street and music performers, toy and magic shops, some of the best record stores ever, anywhere. There was even a wedding going on there the day we were there.

After we got our eat on, it was time to get our beat on. That is, go to the concert. We had no trouble getting to the show, which was in North Omaha, in a very secluded city park, Freedom Park, on the banks of the Missouri River.

Let me just say that Saturday Night was, by far, the most emotionally enlightening night of my life, thus far. I am still suffering in gasms of life-changing epiphany. That is not an exaggeration. I have never felt more inspired to do something with my life than I do right now. I want to finish my book, move to Omaha or [insert city name here], get published in a MAJOR WAY, get into music and the industry, write some music for the songs I've already written and truly do something with my life. But it's not going to happen just by talking about it. So, my friends, you will be happy to know I am now developing a positive action plan to accomplish all of my goals. As of now, I only have down what I want to accomplish, soon to be accompanied by a timeline, and details of how to make it there by they time. This action plan itself is the largest project I've ever undertaken in my life, because it is going to require drastic change on my part, and not only that, but I will have to sacrifice and let go of a lot of the people, places and things I've been holding onto all of my life. To be honest, I'm completely bored from my life. I need to move on, to become my own man, independent free and brave. Nothing drastic at least for the next couple of months is going to change, not until I start implementing the plan into action. "LIFE PLANS: MY GOALS AND HOW I WILL ATTAIN TO THEM IN A TIMELY MANNER IN ORDER TO CREATE A MORE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPIER LIFE FOR ONESELF" or "BREAKING OUT OF THE NEGATIVE: EXPLORING NEW OPPORTUNITIES TO WIDEN MY LIFE EXPERIENCE TO THE LEVEL OF A TRUE RENAISSANCE MAN, THE BEGINNING".

Pictures coming soon, patience!

Well, friends, I will close now. I just wanted you to all know that I didn't disappear or anything. Well, I did, but just for a few days. For now, anyway.

Chadwick MB
I am currently Stellar
I am listening to Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue album

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Photography: Sessions 11-22
09/10/2008 12:54 a.m.
Just some more of my recent photography... these are all from the past two months or so. Apologies if I have already posted some of these, I don't remember what I put where. You'll also notice my recent forays into insect and animal photography, though my main subject is the sky and weather -- I've actually been considering going into a career concerning weather observation. In case you're wondering about the dark/night photos, that is the moon and its reflection in water. Going on...


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Look at each flower.

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Notice the grasshopper in the background.

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And they lived happily ever after. =)

19.
I am currently Poetic
I am listening to crickets

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Sky
08/28/2008 02:04 a.m.
My best panoramic shots yet! There are two versions here. Same picture,
different editing elements and filters. Yes, I realize I am going through a
phase with these panoramas but they are so damn fun and cool. This was
this evening's sunset, August 27, 2008. No, it's not a full 360 degrees,
more like just a wide angle shot. I *did* shoot all the way around
here but it was crooked and didn't turn out too well. Someof you have
asked how I create these. It's rather simple, really. I go out to the location
(usually on bike or by foot, so I don't get a car in the shots) with the
camera and a tripod, set it all up, choose a starting point, and just start taking
photos. It takes about 8-10 shots to go full circle, turning the camera about 36-
45 degrees for each successive shot. Leave a little bit of the previous shot on
the edge of the next shot for points of reference. When I'm finished taking the
photos, I upload them to my PC, and match them up along the edges with
each other, copying and pasting into one large canvas frame and rotating
them slightly if needed. Basically just line them up in order and piece them
together like a puzzle. Easy breezy.

Well, here they are!





I am currently Safe
I am listening to the fading thunder

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